I yearn for death, and I am most afraid of death. The feeling of emptiness in my head makes me tremble with fear.
I hate this world and everything here, but the last thing I want to do is leave. I want to live. I am afraid that no emperor in the past has such a strong determination, but I do.
Although the loneliness at night is terrible, the emptiness is the most rampant during the day when everyone is laughing and making noise. I can't ignore that kind of existence, laughing and crying.
Crying alone is a kind of courage, laughing alone is a kind of ability. After this life, I don't have the courage to die, but also the strongest will and ability to face this broken world... So should I die or live? I have neither the courage to die, nor the will and ability to survive... I will survive in a way you don't know, and I will exist forever, but with a dead body.