I feel that my current life is very tiring. Many things in my life are no longer under my control, but there are more things that I couldn't control before but can now easily obtain. It seems that my originally orderly life has been derailed, and every link has failed. Something is missing, something is added, there is no clue. Although I am not the kind of person who follows the rules, I used to live a more comfortable life. It was not within the scope of my own planning, but it was still controllable. In my current life, there is a net that invisibly tightens me, and I can't break free, but I can still survive, but everything is not as expected. My heart is full of melancholy and helplessness. Many things are far away from me, so far away that I feel anxious. Even my breathing is cautious, for fear that even breathing no longer belongs to me; but sometimes these things are very close to me, so close that I feel uncomfortable, and I live a timid life. I used to be free and easy, I could ignore everything and live a free and easy life; now I live in the contradiction between easy satisfaction and dissatisfaction, and I have become cold and cold. My mother often said that I was cold-blooded and my conscience was eaten by dogs. I was not like this originally. The simple and easily moved person was gone. Now I am more tactful and accidental. Have I grown up? Is it because growing up that you can't find your original self again?