Many things in the world often depend on the moment before they happen. A seemingly small change may change a person's destiny...
Reader comments
I am Aiyao Asi and I am dead
Update, update, update, update, update, update, update, update, update, when will you update? I've waited until the flowers bloomed and withered, and the flowers bloomed and withered again.
To be honest, I ignore anyone who is not the heroine, so I don't care! ! ! !
I am Aiyao Asi and I am dead
Score first~~wait until you feel sleepy before reading again. .
Because Yin you said you wanted to give a hint, I summarized it...
The end of Chapter 5——
"In the Hogwarts cellar in the distance, a certain professor who was boiling the potion paused stiffly, his expression instantly blank.
There will always be people here, and the professor seems to have been told something to have such a reaction. But in fact, in the following text, I don't see the use of writing like this at all. If he was acting this way because he knew the news about Harry, then why did Lucius have to tell him again later? So it actually makes people wonder why the professor is like this. But maybe this is the effect you want to create a movie scene transition, but if so, it's not really necessary.
Chapter 6 to Chapter 9
After watching it, all I can think of is that Harry is so dependent on the young master, Harry is so fragile and cute, and others love him very much. But I think you used a lot of dialogue to highlight these points, and then it took three chapters that were very cumbersome. In fact, there is not much difference between the three chapters, it is just that the scenes have been advanced. In fact, the main reason why it feels cumbersome is - the proportion. You were not slow in the pace of the previous plot, and you actually expressed what you wanted to say, but why did this alone take three chapters to be so long? In terms of proportion, it really feels cumbersome to watch a series of them.
The end of Chapter 9——
"In the dean's office in the cellar, someone was thinking uncertainly and couldn't help but touch his forearm. The mark there has long since disappeared. But far away in the principal's office on the top of the building, there was an old man with a white beard happily eating sweets. His blue eyes flashed crazily. For some reason, it gave people a crazy feeling, which was frightening.
The principal here is really written like a madman, and he is not an ordinary madman. He is very reminiscent of madmen such as serial killers... I can probably imagine that you want to show his dissatisfaction with the development of things and his scheming... However, there are too few plots behind him. When it comes to madness, he is not shown at all, and his scheming is only superficial and has no real feeling. Then he even said that the end was coming, but in the end, he still didn't know what the principal was doing in this scene?
Starting from Chapter 10, you started to lay out the plot about Hogwarts a thousand years ago, but to be honest, from here to your latest chapter, I can't see the purpose of this plot at all. There are several chapters later, and the more you read, the more puzzled you become. What is the relationship between Xiaoha and those from thousands of years ago, and where did these weird elements come from? There was no explanation at all. I just felt, "Ah, this place is good." Then I inserted it, which led to many plot continuity problems. Compared with the rhythm at the beginning, the processing of the story seems too messy and unacceptable.
Then "Xuanyuan", who has been mentioned constantly from the beginning of this story, seems to be only used for going through the motions. What next? Then I didn't know what he was. In your story, it seems that you want to portray him as a very otherworldly number one character, but the portrayal is extremely unsuccessful. Because again, you're not conveying his otherworldliness and importance to the game. So every time I see his name, I think, "Here he is again, who is he? What is he used for? What abilities does he have? Where did he come from?"
I typed a bunch hoping it wouldn't hurt too much. I've re-read it, and these are probably the more obvious issues. Silver, you renew quickly. This is a virtue that needs to be well rewarded. (Because I can't do it!!!) The problem of writing and arrangement can be improved slowly. Although I have raised many points, no one can achieve perfection from the beginning. It always needs to be corrected slowly. Please don't be hit by me. That is not the purpose of this article. Come on!
I am Aiyao Asi and I am dead
Update, update, update, update, update, update, update, update, update, when will you update? I've waited until the flowers bloomed and withered, and the flowers bloomed and withered again.
To be honest, I ignore anyone who is not the heroine, so I don't care! ! ! !
I am Aiyao Asi and I am dead
Score first~~wait until you feel sleepy before reading again. .
Because Yin you said you wanted to give a hint, I summarized it... The end of Chapter 5—— "In the Hogwarts cellar in the distance, a certain professor who was boiling the potion paused stiffly, his expression instantly blank. There will always be people here, and the professor seems to have been told something to have such a reaction. But in fact, in the following text, I don't see the use of writing like this at all. If he was acting this way because he knew the news about Harry, then why did Lucius have to tell him again later? So it actually makes people wonder why the professor is like this. But maybe this is the effect you want to create a movie scene transition, but if so, it's not really necessary. Chapter 6 to Chapter 9 After watching it, all I can think of is that Harry is so dependent on the young master, Harry is so fragile and cute, and others love him very much. But I think you used a lot of dialogue to highlight these points, and then it took three chapters that were very cumbersome. In fact, there is not much difference between the three chapters, it is just that the scenes have been advanced. In fact, the main reason why it feels cumbersome is - the proportion. You were not slow in the pace of the previous plot, and you actually expressed what you wanted to say, but why did this alone take three chapters to be so long? In terms of proportion, it really feels cumbersome to watch a series of them. The end of Chapter 9—— "In the dean's office in the cellar, someone was thinking uncertainly and couldn't help but touch his forearm. The mark there has long since disappeared. But far away in the principal's office on the top of the building, there was an old man with a white beard happily eating sweets. His blue eyes flashed crazily. For some reason, it gave people a crazy feeling, which was frightening. The principal here is really written like a madman, and he is not an ordinary madman. He is very reminiscent of madmen such as serial killers... I can probably imagine that you want to show his dissatisfaction with the development of things and his scheming... However, there are too few plots behind him. When it comes to madness, he is not shown at all, and his scheming is only superficial and has no real feeling. Then he even said that the end was coming, but in the end, he still didn't know what the principal was doing in this scene? Starting from Chapter 10, you started to lay out the plot about Hogwarts a thousand years ago, but to be honest, from here to your latest chapter, I can't see the purpose of this plot at all. There are several chapters later, and the more you read, the more puzzled you become. What is the relationship between Xiaoha and those from thousands of years ago, and where did these weird elements come from? There was no explanation at all. I just felt, "Ah, this place is good." Then I inserted it, which led to many plot continuity problems. Compared with the rhythm at the beginning, the processing of the story seems too messy and unacceptable. Then "Xuanyuan", who has been mentioned constantly from the beginning of this story, seems to be only used for going through the motions. What next? Then I didn't know what he was. In your story, it seems that you want to portray him as a very otherworldly number one character, but the portrayal is extremely unsuccessful. Because again, you're not conveying his otherworldliness and importance to the game. So every time I see his name, I think, "Here he is again, who is he? What is he used for? What abilities does he have? Where did he come from?" I typed a bunch hoping it wouldn't hurt too much. I've re-read it, and these are probably the more obvious issues. Silver, you renew quickly. This is a virtue that needs to be well rewarded. (Because I can't do it!!!) The problem of writing and arrangement can be improved slowly. Although I have raised many points, no one can achieve perfection from the beginning. It always needs to be corrected slowly. Please don't be hit by me. That is not the purpose of this article. Come on!