Anecdotes About Qinxiangyuan

One Zhang Zheng's original name was not Zhang Zheng but Li Ju. The reason why he changed his name to such a cold-hearted name had something to do with Ju. Let's put down the name first, let's talk about the surname first. The surname was inherited and there was no choice. He would either take his father's surname of Li or his mother's surname of Zhang. Now that his parents are gone, he wants to move to Zhangjiacun to live with his grandfather. The head of Zhangjiacun asked him to change his surname to Zhang, his grandfather's surname. Village Chief Zhang said that if you change your surname, you will be a member of our Zhangjia Village. If you change your surname, I will give you a household registration and allocate land to you. Li Ju nodded without thinking. It's okay to have the surname Zhang, just follow my mother's surname. Zhang Zheng insisted on not using the character chrysanthemum, which made his grandfather very angry. Grandpa said, you are a heartless person. You have changed your name without leaving a single word behind. When you meet your parents over there in the future, how will they recognize you? At that time, you had no form or body, didn't you just have a name? Zhang Zheng said, you are stupid, I won't tell them who I am? In fact, Grandpa Zhang Zheng didn't even want him to change his surname. His grandpa had old ideas and some selfish motives. He was worried that the child's life would be too tough and he wouldn't be able to bear the consequences if he stayed with him. Village Chief Zhang's selfishness is even more inexplicable. He feels that only by taking the surname Zhang can he truly become a member of the Zhangjia Village, and he sees that this is another strong laborer who will soon grow up. In order to get rid of this chrysanthemum, Zhang Zheng and his grandfather almost had a fight in the village committee. Village Chief Zhang listened to his elders. When he just wrote the word "Zhang Ju" on the official paper, Zhang Zheng grabbed it and tore it up. Grandpa Zhang Zheng was so angry that he raised his hand to hit him, but he didn't show any weakness. He raised his fist and said, "Come on, let's see if I can't beat you to death." Yes, that's it, I can't kill you! Ever since Zhang Zheng became the odd-hour counselor at Qingyan Town Central Middle School, this original joke has become firmly established in his heart and hands. This is what happened before, I will talk about it later. If Village Chief Zhang hadn't stopped them, it would have been hard to say who would win. From a physical point of view, it is estimated that Zhang Zheng wins. Although Zhang Zheng has just turned fifteen and has developed like a big-headed puppet with long arms and legs, his height has grown to 1.78 Meters, a full 12 centimeters taller than his grandfather. Coupled with the youthful energy erupting from every pore of his, in his own words, I can't kill you! From a mental point of view, Zhang Zheng may not necessarily win. Although he has already decided to call him Zhang Zheng, Li Ju is still hidden in his body, especially the Li Ju before the earthquake. He still likes and treasures it. At that time, Li Ju studied well and had good moral character. The sun shone on him and around him every day, and he was pleasing to everyone and polite to everyone. As long as Li Ju is not completely sucked out of him by the speed of light, he may sneak out at any time to control Zhang Zheng. Before the earthquake, he was rarely beaten or scolded, which meant that he rarely had the opportunity to fight back. He remembered that the last time he was spanked by his father in his life was when he was in the first grade of junior high school. On that day, he used a rubber snake to scare his sister to tears. His father beat him, but he only dodged and didn't even run away, let alone fight back. If he fought back, he believed that he would have a fight with his father. At that time, his father would have already struggled to arm-wrestle with him. That night, Zhang Zheng went to Village Chief Zhang's house alone again, insisting on confirming whether his new name was Zhang Zheng. He told Village Chief Zhang the real reason why he didn't want "Ju". He lowered his head and said, "To... There are chrysanthemums everywhere." When Village Chief Zhang asked again, he remained silent. He didn't leave until Village Chief Zhang went into the back room and murmured with his wife for a long time. He seemed to understand what he meant and asked him to write down the word Zhang Zheng. Zhang Zheng had many reasons for not wanting Ju, but this was just one of the real reasons. This reason was as obvious as an iceberg floating on the water. There doesn't need to be many real reasons, just one is enough to shut them up. He was too lazy to mention other reasons that caused him pain, and he couldn't tell them. He couldn't tell where the ice below the water's surface and the mass of things were clogged under his chest, in his stomach or in his intestines. Even if he sucked in enough air with his mouth, trachea, and lungs to pump up, it was all in vain. Such a big pile of ice requires all passages to be unblocked, and a long enough rope with various bends to reach it. On the way home, Zhang Zheng smelled the fragrance from the lilacs in someone's yard. He took a deep breath and realized that it was already spring. Zhang Zheng tried to smile. After trying it, he still felt that the happiness coming from his heart would make him feel sad. Two Unconsciously, the sunlight had moved the shadow of the tombstone away from his arms. He was tired from lying on his side, so he changed to a position on his back, loosened his arms that were hugging Shadow, reached out and gathered up a lot of straw braids on the ground, and put them under his head. He looked at the clouds in the sky and imagined what one of them looked like and who the other looked like. He found that the braided cloud was now loosened. Do you want to wash your hair if you spread it out? He remembered that every time he pulled his sister's braid, she would scream. In fact, he really didn't try hard enough. She didn't even pull it, and she started screaming when she noticed it. It sounded like it was really painful. Among them, the cloud that looks like a human face, and the mouth formed by the seam of the cloud, actually bends and changes into different expressions. It smiles, then straightens it, purses its mouth, and pretends to be angry, really like my mother. It turns out that at home, my mother is obviously biased towards him, and my father is obviously biased towards my sister. My parents never admit that they are partial, but they protect each other without any secret. He and his sister knew this well and never turned to the wrong person every time they wanted a little extra pocket money. Mom likes him very much, you can see it just from her expression. Every time she sees him coming back from school, she smiles. If he brings back bad news, such as failing in an exam, his mother will stop smiling when she sees him, and she will purse her lips tightly, just like this, pretending to be angry. He began to think about his mother's specific appearance, but suddenly he couldn't remember what her facial features looked like. This confusion has happened several times, not just to my mother, but sometimes to my father or sister or a classmate. He always felt guilty because this situation had never happened to Xie Xiaofei. Every time I think of Xie Xiaofei, her facial features are clear, especially her mouth, which is so specific that it has shape, color and fragrance, and the singing voice floats out from her open lips. That's the song. "Mom, I'm thinking about Xie Xiaofei for a moment. I told you that she shared half the bottle of mineral water with me. If she doesn't share it with me, she will..." Before he could finish speaking in his heart, tears unknowingly flowed from his eyes, making the cloud he had just found representing Xie Xiaofei blur into a ball of mist. He had never heard the song that Xie Xiaofei sang to him before, and he had never heard such a beautiful song before. Xie Xiaofei sang to him on the first night and the second night. He was not sure whether she also sang on the third night. He seemed to have heard it, but he seemed not to have heard it. Thinking about it now, he felt that Xie Xiaofei's song was the same as his mother's lullaby when he was a child. It should have been sung to him at night. But whether it was day or night, one, two or three, in the dark ruins, he now knew that it was actually impossible to tell. After listening to Xie Xiaofei sing it twice, he remembered the most catchy lines of the melody. Later, he regretted listening to Xie Xiaofei sing. He stopped her then, but she didn't listen, and he regretted not insisting on stopping her. He hated this song and loved it at the same time. He struggled with it for a long time after the earthquake, but he still couldn't help but look for it everywhere. Xie Xiaofei didn't tell him the title of the song at that time, so he spent a lot of trouble to find the song. Thinking of this, he sat up, took out the lyrics he found in the Internet cafe yesterday, and slowly tried to sing again. The red dragonfly in the sunset Where are you? I met you when I was a child ​What day was that? …… After singing a few words, he couldn't sing anymore. He was frightened by his own voice again. He lowered the volume and tried again, but it still didn't work. What's wrong with you? Is it because you haven't sung for a long time? Since he found this song, he found that as soon as he started singing, he heard a completely unfamiliar voice coming out of his throat, as old and cold as a ghost. The sound was not like a chest resonance coming from the chest, but like it was struggling and trembling from the bottom of the stomach, trembling like the desolation of an old man. Several times, I was startled when I heard it, and goosebumps spread out layer by layer. He thought he would be able to sing normally today in the place where he was most willing to talk, next to his most familiar relatives, but this time he failed again. Today is different from usual. The objective reason for running out of school and running to the cemetery was to hit someone, and the subjective wish was to practice this song well here. Now that he had run away from school, he didn't want to think about the beating anymore. He really wanted to practice this song and sing it on the playground. He believed that Xie Xiaofei would be able to hear it when he sang it there. If he can't sing well, he doesn't worry about his parents and sister laughing at him. He doesn't feel embarrassed no matter how much they laugh at him. Xie Xiaofei is different. He can't be embarrassed in front of Xie Xiaofei. He coughed twice, supported the old man, cleared his throat, and planned to try again. This time he planned not to sing the lyrics, nor to open his mouth, but to hold the lyrics and music in his mouth and hum them through his nose. The red dragonfly in the sunset/Where are you/I met you in childhood/What day was it? After repeating the first verse, he didn't want to sing the second verse any more. This repetition made him even sadder. He was not frightened by his own voice, but suddenly realized that the lyrics were wrong. He didn't expect that this love melody that he had been searching for and accompanying him for more than a year would suddenly be tainted with everlasting sadness, making him so sad that he couldn't hum it anymore. He touched his arms. There were no goosebumps, but his body was trembling slightly. He crossed his arms tightly. He was confused. Didn't Xie Xiaofei say it was a nursery rhyme? And the busker playing the erhu said the same thing. A nursery rhyme was sung by Xie Xiaofei and then became a love song. But when she was sung by herself, it became a heart-wrenching elegy. How could this happen? Could it be that the lyrics were copied wrong? That's right, he remembered that Xie Xiaofei sang about Sunset Dragonfly and so on. Thinking of all the trouble he had gone through to find this song, he didn't want to just give up. After school resumed, he started looking for this song. Based on the memorized melody and fragments of lyrics, I searched for it and asked all the music teachers in the school and people around me who like to sing - of course, Xie Xiaofei's mother, Teacher Wu, the music teacher at the school, was not among them. Teacher Wu was transferred after the earthquake - no one knew this song. One night, he tied up the sheets and two pairs of pants, slipped down from the second floor, and ran to the Internet cafe to stay all night. He listened to almost all the Chinese nursery rhymes, but in the end he could not find this song. Later, he found it without any effort at all. There was a market in town that day, so he didn't go to the canteen for lunch. Instead, he went to the market and bought a bowl of jelly to satisfy his craving. He couldn't find an empty bench while holding the jelly. When he saw a performer next to him holding jelly and squatting on the ground to eat it, he squatted there too. I didn't have much hope at the time, so I just asked casually, "Can you sing nursery rhymes?" The performer said, which song do you want to sing? As soon as he finished humming the first melody, the man took over and sang the whole song, exactly the same as Xie Xiaofei sang. With tears in his eyes, he swallowed hard the remaining jelly in his mouth, put half the bowl of jelly on the ground, held his head and sobbed. The busker told him that this was a Japanese nursery rhyme, and of course you couldn't find it in Chinese nursery rhymes. Seeing him crying like that, the busker guessed that it must be another tragic story about a disaster area. The man wanted to know more and told his story in exchange. He said that he graduated from the Conservatory of Music last year and wandered here because he was broken up in love and couldn't find a job. He said he wandered here because he had a close friend of Erhu here, and only people here could understand the vivid sadness of Erhu. After hearing what he said, he suddenly didn't want to cry anymore. He wiped the tears on his face, stood up, shook off the man's hand and ran back to school. Nursery rhyme, yes. At this moment, he avoided the noise of the crowd, put aside the catastrophe he had caused, and ran to this place where he could be most peaceful to sing it with all his heart, his nursery rhyme and his love song, but he could never sing out the beauty and sweetness it once had. The missed red dragonfly is more than two or three years away, more than twenty or thirty years away, so far away that even the hair turns white. How so? Can the speed of light bend a song? I don't know how long it took, but he woke up from the cold. The sun had already set, and the clouds in the sky had merged into pieces at some point. They were so thick that not even a trace of sunset glow came in. "Li Ju——Li Ju——Li Ju——" Li Ju sat up and saw Wang Haoyu standing on the ground. Just as Wang Haoyu was about to turn around and leave, he spotted him and ran over. Wang Haoyu said as he ran, "I guess you may have come here. You didn't have any classes this afternoon. They were all transferred to the evening. The teacher asked the whole class to come out to look for you." Li Ju didn't say anything. She reached out and patted the ground beside her, signaling Wang Haoyu to sit down. Wang Haoyu glanced at the grave, took a step back and said, "Come on, the teacher is very anxious." After that, he reached out to pull Li Ju. Li Ju took Wang Haoyu's hand and stood up, asking, "Do you have anything to eat?" Wang Haoyu took out a small package of kelp silk from his trouser pocket and handed it to Li Ju, and then said thank you according to the habit of collective late-night snacks in the dormitory, and Li Ju replied thank you. Kelp silk is Wang Haoyu's delicacy. He brought it from his hometown, the northern coastal city. It is recognized by all the dormitory residents as the least interesting snack among all his snacks. However, he regards it as a treasure and carries it with him anytime and anywhere. He has to sip a few sticks every day to feel satisfied. Wang Haoyu is Li Ju's new friend this semester and his only good friend so far. Li Ju no longer wants to associate with those people she was familiar with. It's not that I want to avoid the original nicknames. Those nicknames from elementary school were basically no longer used after I entered junior high school. Li Ju doesn't want to meet the good-natured Li Ju again, and doesn't want to be torn apart at the speed of light again. Wang Haoyu was different. Wang Haoyu, his stupidity and cleverness were all new to Li Ju. He opened a window for him to breathe, making him feel relaxed, calm, and even interesting. Wang Haoyu's mother is a doctor who came from the city to provide assistance and works at the Qingyan Town Health Center. Wang Haoyu said that his mother actively asked to come here mainly to educate him. Wang Haoyu said that she basically achieved her goal. Li Ju stared at the package of kelp silk for a while, patted the dirt on her hands, and reached out to take it. "That person is still in school?" Li Ju asked. "I don't know." Wang Haoyu shook his fat head and shook the meat on his cheeks. The person Li Ju was talking about was the temporary counselor who was beaten by him in the morning. Li Ju didn't expect that he would take action, and he was surprised by his actions. After that punch, he looked at his right hand in surprise, as if looking at a completely unfamiliar monster that was not under his control. He didn't understand what it did. After looking at the frozen arm in front of him, he looked at the man who had been hit by it. He watched him roll three steps from the stands and finally into the sand pit beside the playground. The whole process made him feel confused. Li Ju saw him rolling non-stop, as if he had a goal in mind and was determined to roll all the way over until he reached the sand pit. Li Ju kept muttering in her heart later that she should have stopped long ago, or even jumped to the second step and stopped after swaying for a while. Li Ju slowly tore open the packet of kelp silk, slowly took out a few strands and put them into her mouth. Li Ju moved slowly. At first, she forced herself to be slow, but then she got used to it. After the earthquake, he discovered that only by slowing down could he control his movements and avoid breaking things or dropping food on the ground. "I haven't eaten for a day." After eating the kelp shreds, Li Ju looked at Wang Haoyu and said. "There is bread in my desk. Come on, come back to school with me," Wang Haoyu said. Three Li Ju was the only one left in the dormitory, and everyone else went to class. The teacher did not allow Li Ju to attend class and asked him to write an examination in the dormitory. Li Ju was combing her hair in front of the mirror hanging on Song Gang's bedpost. Suddenly she saw a white hair on her hand in the mirror, and she trembled with fright. He calmed down, held the white hair, and looked at the light coming from the window. The roots of the white hair are snow-white, gradually turning yellow toward the tips. He had seen white hair in the dormitory before. It belonged to that guy Song Gang. He said that he had young white hair, but Li Ju didn't believe it. Song Gang was transferred from the second grade of junior high school after the earthquake. He was previously in the Central Middle School in another town, which was close to the epicenter of the earthquake. It is said that their village was even worse, with not a single house left. Only he and his disabled mother were left in their family, and his mother took him back to Qingyan Town to join his parents' family. It's not impossible for him to have gray hair. Li Juzhen was a little panicked at this moment, because he dreamed that he had a white head last night. Last night, he dreamed that Xie Xiaofei came to break up with him, turned around and left before he could say no. Then, he dreamed that his head turned gray with worry overnight. In his dream, he sang the song in the direction Xie Xiaofei was leaving with a head of white hair on his head. Xie Xiaofei only looked back, seemed to smile, and turned to leave. His singing failed to retain her. In his dream last night, he was not frightened by his own singing voice, and the lyrics were also beautiful, just like when Xie Xiaofei sang to him in the ruins. Li Ju thought, how could such a good dream with such a near-miss come to an end? The feeling of worrying about gray hair in the dream seems to be a bit romantic, but I don't feel painful at all. I slept well last night. This white hair must be Song Gang's. After the earthquake, Li Ju found that her interests had changed, and she liked to stop at things that were so simple that no one noticed. Li Ju now understands that when people are in a daze, their brains are not blank. When people are in a daze, they will stare at some simple things, such as a cloud, a piece of grass, a leaf, a white hair, etc., And at the same time they are also thinking logically. People in a daze look blank, but in fact their brains are associating, exploring, and reasoning quietly and calmly. Li Ju believes that such brain exercise is more relaxed and natural without force. It doesn't matter whether the answer is right or wrong. No one cares - no one is happy or unhappy for you - you can be as stupid as you want, as wrong as you want, or as smart as you want. It is your own business and has nothing to do with others. Through this new discovery, Li Ju proved that his brain is still useful. No matter others say he is stupid or useless, he believes that he still has logical thinking ability, analytical reasoning ability and imagination. Li Ju knew that she just didn't want to follow the ideas in the teacher and books anymore. Those things were too cheerful, like fireworks in the night sky. His darkness could only be a support, not a bloom in it. Wang Haoyu once asked him, you used to be so good at studying, why don't you study now? Li Ju told him this feeling, saying that studying was such a joyful thing, but that it would make him uncomfortable when he was happy, so he gave up. Wang Haoyu stared at him dumbfounded and nodded. Li Ju likes Wang Haoyu's intelligence, which is rare for him. Li Ju didn't tell Wang Haoyu everything. He knew that Wang Haoyu didn't understand everything either. In addition to being considerate, Li Ju also needs other understandings. For example, during the night in the dream last night, he would not tell Wang Haoyu what he thought. He didn't want to see Wang Haoyu nodding his head on such a topic, as Wang Haoyu would look purely stupid. He didn't want to see how stupid he was. Li Ju studied the night in that dream and couldn't understand why it took him a whole night to grow old in the dream, while Xie Xiaofei stood there and did not pass by his night. Does time fold in two different ways in dreams? So how long is a night in a dream? Will time also be bent by the speed of light that night? Li Ju felt a little irritable when she thought about the time. He was in the third year of junior high school and was about to take the high school entrance examination. He had missed a lot of classes recently, but he had tried many times. As soon as he returned to the rhythm of listening to the lectures seriously, doing questions densely, and flipping through books quickly, he would be torn apart at the speed of light, and his heart and limbs would be torn to the point of severe pain, and he even wanted to drop his pen. When he thought that studying hard would not only bring him admission to a key high school, but also good rankings, praises and certificates, etc., He was afraid and wanted to put his hands behind his back. These were more painful for him than entering a state of paying attention to the lectures. He has experienced the feeling, knows how the speed of light folds the time before and after the earthquake, and has tasted the pain of being pulled and torn apart. Li Ju didn't understand why Song Gang was still studying so hard. What else can he do to learn? Li Ju guessed that Xie Xiaofei's decision to break up might be related to him giving up studying? He thought, is it because I can't study well now that he doesn't want to get along with me? When I asked her last night why she wanted to break up, she said nothing and turned around and walked away. That's right over there, to his upper right in the ruins. The direction in the dream and reality were the same, which was the direction in which the rescue team descended the rope. A bottle of mineral water was tied to the end of the rope and rested on a wooden board above and to his right. He tried everything he could that day, but he couldn't reach it no matter how hard he stretched out his hand. At that time, Xie Xiaofei was stuck on his lower left side, very close to him. The two of them reached out and were only half a mineral water bottle away from touching each other. Shortly after the rescuers lowered the water, Xie Xiaofei said her last words. She said, "Just take your time." Then he left. Li Ju knew that was where she walked. On the other side of the rope where they went down, there was a faint light on his upper right side. He knew then that she was no longer in her body, and he knew it full well. He didn't notice how she passed where he was, from his lower left to his upper right, but he felt strongly that she was going to the glimmer of light on his upper right. At that time, he couldn't help but look over there and stared for a long time. He felt that she stayed there for a long time before reluctantly leaving. What the naked eye saw at that time was exactly what the temporary counselor volunteer who was beaten said. It was all steel and concrete, broken bricks and tiles, and broken tables and chairs. But he didn't lie either. His feelings were real and not some hallucination as the counselor said. The mineral water bottle tied with a rope is a real and concrete object, not an illusion. Li Ju knew that she didn't tell any lies. Li Ju now regrets that she did not lie. What she regrets most is that she should not have mentioned the matter between him and Xie Xiaofei to the counselor. Li Ju thought about hitting someone and felt apologetic. She sat down at the table and took out a pen and paper to write an examination. After writing the word "check", Xie Xiaofei's thoughts continued. It's been a long time since I dreamed of Xie Xiaofei. I dreamed about her last night because I mentioned her to the counselor yesterday? In Li Ju's dream last night, Xie Xiaofei left in the same direction as in reality, but the scene she saw was opposite to reality. In the dream, he looked over there. Except for Xie Xiaofei, there was no collapsed debris. In other words, it seemed that they were not trapped in the ruins. He couldn't see where they were, and the background was completely blurred. He saw Xie Xiaofei saying goodbye to him with a clear image, so beautiful, with a calm expression, and a little joy in the corner of her mouth. After she said let's break up, she turned around and walked in the direction of the faint light. But in his dream, he saw that as she walked over there, the light spot gradually grew larger, gradually covering her whole body. She walked along the beam of light, and the light became stronger and stronger, slowly melting her into the light. Li Ju now thinks that the existence and disappearance of people must be related to light and the speed of light. It is not only mentioned in the book "A Brief History of Time", but Xie Xiaofei also demonstrated this in her dream last night. Li Ju now thinks that if that conversation happened not yesterday but today, after being inspired by this dream today, he will definitely think of "A Brief History of Time", so that he will talk to the counselor from the perspective of light and the speed of light, and from a scientific perspective. If that were the case, would he still disbelieve his words? Would he still not believe that his gaze and farewell were real? Would he also say that it was your pure desire to live and fear of death that made you turn your head the other way, such vicious nonsense? Li Ju originally thought that this time a young male college student would come to give him psychological counseling and be able to give him more understanding. Psychological counseling is not a shameful thing in schools in earthquake areas. Most of the students have received counseling. Of course, most of them are based on classes, and those who have been seriously injured are in groups. Only those who have been hurt the most are given one-on-one tutoring on an individual basis, like Li Ju. Qingyan Town is far away from the epicenter and is not among the worst-hit areas. It was not completely destroyed like the epicenter. In Qingyan Town, only a new teaching building in the Central Middle School collapsed, and then a landslide buried a row of bungalows in the town's primary school. In addition, other private houses and town government buildings in the town only had some cracks. The school was severely damaged, and someone should have come to provide psychological assistance long ago. However, Qingyan Town was too remote, and transportation was blocked by the barrier lake. It was not until almost a year after the disaster that people began to come. It doesn't matter if they come, batches keep coming, and the school welcomes them warmly as if they are flattered. Every time a batch comes, Li Ju will receive psychological counseling. Li Ju is the strong backbone provided by the school to the volunteers. The reason is simple. Although Li Ju's penis was not hurt, her heart was severely damaged. Li Ju's family had to catch up with the two houses in Qingyan Town that were destroyed by the earthquake that day. Li Ju and her sister Li He's classrooms are in the new building. Their parents were teachers at Qingyan Town Primary School, and they had classes that afternoon. A landslide collapsed and completely buried a row of bungalows. The earth and rocks were piled up like a hill. It took people ten days to dig out the ruined houses. The first time Li Ju received psychological counseling was a female teacher in her thirties. The teacher asked a lot of questions and reminded him of the pain he had experienced in those days. He cried so hard that he couldn't breathe, as if he had experienced another disaster all over again. After the heart-to-heart talk, Li Ju fell ill and stayed at her second aunt's house for a week without going to school. The second uncle went to the school to ask, and the school said that it would be fine once he vented his feelings, and he would love to study from now on. After the incident, Li Ju's sleep was indeed much better and she had fewer nightmares, but the Li Ju who loved to study still did not show up. This made the dean a little disappointed. She said, we must not give up on Li Ju, and we must get the Li Ju who loves to study back. Volunteers came in batches, and Li Ju was called for tutoring time and time again. Basically, it was the same pattern. They believed that Li Ju didn't like studying because she didn't release all the fear in her heart. They must find the dark corner and uproot it. Li Ju couldn't understand more and more, why did these people insist on pushing him into the abyss of pain again and again? He didn't want to shiver anymore, shit his pants anymore, or see anyone die anymore. He wants them all to live well, whether on earth, in heaven, or in His heart. But every time no matter how hard he resisted, various questions would still float into his ears, and his brain would still be led into the situation at that time by those questions. Once, when a female volunteer tutoring him mentioned Qingyan Town Primary School in a roundabout way, he blurted out, "Fuck you," then turned and ran away. Another time, when a counselor asked him about the situation before and after he was rescued, and asked him if he was afraid of the corpses of his classmates, Li Ju smiled and shook his head. At that time, Li Ju thought of his relationship with Xie Xiaofei. This love relationship that was formally established in the ruins made him feel happy. He said honestly that she was very close to me, just to my lower left, and I could almost hold her hand. He said with a shy and happy look on his face, which frightened the counselor into hastily ending the counseling and running away. Li Ju's mind wandered, staring at the open white paper in a daze. At this moment, a bookworm the size of a pinhole crawled on the white paper, interrupting his train of thought. He put down his pen and lay down to read. The sun shines through the glass on the table in front of the window. Li Ju lifts the paper and wants to test what gravity can do to such a small object. The little bug continued to crawl on the steep paper surface, and gravity did not affect it. Facing the sun, Li Ju saw the insect's black body turning into crimson, rolling slowly like a drop of blood. The blood beads rolled for a while and then stopped moving. It is estimated that the little bug adapted to the darkness between the pages of the book, and now it was exposed to the sun for a while, and it was burned to death. Li Ju waited for a while and saw that it still didn't move. She felt bored and blew it out of the window in one breath. Li Ju picked up the pen and wrote without thinking, "I used to be a bookworm, but now I am not. Now Song Gang is a bookworm. A bookworm is actually an animal that will die in the presence of light. It can kill anything with just light." Li Ju stopped writing here, feeling that there was nothing more to say. Li Ju also discovered another change in herself since classes resumed. In the past, thinking always ran ahead of behavior. No matter what you did or what questions you asked, you had a plan and steps. Just as my father asked, you must analyze, judge and organize answers slowly. Only when you think about it before writing questions can you ensure the accuracy. On the contrary, now his actions often come before his thoughts. He doesn't know why he takes action in a hurry. After finishing the work and writing, he realizes that he did not think enough and the things he did deviate from the set goals. Li Ju tore off the paper, crumpled it into a ball, and looked out the window to find her target. Opposite the building outside the window was the girls' dormitory. He used the paper ball to glance at the skirt fluttering on the opposite window, and made two gestures without letting go. He still had this intuition, knowing that the weight of the paper was too light, and the initial speed he could give was limited. Coupled with the horizontal external force of the wind and the vertical downward gravity, it was impossible for him to hit the target. He stood up, lay on the window sill, aimed at the roses on the roadside under the window, and threw the paper ball down hard. As soon as the paper ball was released, it encountered a gust of wind and was blown away. It doesn't matter if you stop being a bookworm, whoever loves Dangdang can go ahead. Li Ju thought to herself. Song Gang has such a good name. Now his bright smile is annoying to see. How could he still be brilliant? Does he want to live as brightly as a summer flower? If the order of the four seasons is reversed, first death is as quiet and beautiful as autumn leaves, and you are still as bright as summer flowers. Unless he is a heartless thing like Song Gang, he can still smile so clearly, is that called mental health? That should be called a psychopath! Li Ju thought to herself. Now there is a photo in the school window of a volunteer having a heart-to-heart talk with Song Gang. In that position, it turned out that the volunteer was having a heart-to-heart talk with Li Ju. Ever since Li Ju scolded the female counselor, the photo was changed to Song Gang's. The reason why I asked Song Gang to take pictures was because the volunteers' tutoring had achieved ideal results. The results were good, and Song Gang's score now went from being ranked in the top 20s in the class to the top ten. If we had put it in the past, with his foundation and thinking ability, Li Ju believed that Song Gang would not be able to catch up with him even if he took off his shoes. In the past, Li Ju always ranked among the top two in the class and the top three in the division every time she took the exam. The only person who could compete with him was Xie Xiaofei... "Bang! Bang! Bang!" Li Ju looked back and saw a big face plastered on the small glass window on the door. The dormitory housekeeper glared at him and shouted, "Have you finished writing the inspection? Why don't you write it quickly!" Purpose: The novel reveals psychological confusion and darkness through the protagonist's tortuous experience, and depicts release, healing and growth. I hope that reading this novel can bring empathy to readers and bring about positive psychological construction. The novel strives to be light-hearted and has a strong sense of picture, so that readers can enjoy the pleasure of reading and vividly enrich their imagination.