The worst article, I haven't even finished the last sentence.
The onlookers came here and were very happy to be shocked, but seeing that the author was also writing the article seriously and working hard to make changes, I felt that this attitude was quite good. Let me make some suggestions. First of all, since you have chosen to write in the first person, don't use the third person God's perspective from time to time. How can the heroine know what other people are thinking because she doesn't have the ability to read minds? Then, there are too many descriptions of the heroine's appearance and it is too deliberate. It doesn't have to be about the eyes to emphasize the "beautiful eyes". When it comes to the skin, it must be reminded that it can be broken by a blow. It's not that the appearance cannot be described, it is just too much. I can understand that the author wants to portray a perfect heroine like a fairy, but whether a character is truly kind, pure and noble must be shown through her actions, rather than just reminding her that she is kind, pure, etc., Which seems very pale and unconvincing. Furthermore, although time-travel stories are inherently imaginative, they should not be too divorced from reality. Although modern people's idea of "everyone is equal" is good, there may be no market in feudal society, and it cannot be solved by shouting "everyone is equal" a few times. If an ancient maid was suddenly shouted by the young lady, "We are the same person!", I guess the reaction would not be gratitude and joy, but would be scared, right? In fact, I don't quite understand this point. I just feel that the plot development of this article is too idealistic. Moreover, this article is trying to show how perfect the heroine's character is, but judging from her performance, it is clear that she only narcissistically thinks that she is perfect, and looks down on other women in the article. Mu Bai is from a feudal society, and of course she has feudal ideas. Do you think her maid is rash? She is a maid, but if she looks like a lady from a famous family, she is no longer a maid. That's what the oiran makes a living from, so how can he pretend to be a saint with a straight face every day? Since the heroine has the idea that everyone is equal, she should be able to understand the difficulties of others to some extent, instead of saying that everyone is equal while pretending to be arrogant and not taking others seriously. Then, the author is trying to say that the heroine is disheartened and has no mood for love, so she becomes confused after seeing a somewhat handsome man.
来啦 我要做铁粉
Come on↖(^ω^)↗
Maybe it's because the author has updated another chapter. I'm a little excited, so I'll post a few more words.
The following are my personal comments. If you have any objections to my opinions, please use human words to comment. Try not to use dirty words.
It's okay to discuss things with each other, but please don't attack with words.
I am very dissatisfied with your chapter 18, the author. It has been a long time since you updated this time, but there are still too many adjectives to describe the appearance in it. It is not that you should not write it, but you have to have a degree. If you write a person too perfectly, it is not called a novel, it is simply an autobiography of Mary Sue. Novel is higher than life, but it is drawn from life. Whether it is fiction or science fiction, please start from human nature. It does not require the author to have good writing skills, but you still need to consider events from the perspective of characters. For example, in the second chapter, ""Sister... Qingcheng——" His voice suddenly stopped when he called my name, but I could feel the deep affection in that tone."
Actually, I just want to ask, author, is there love in your world? Author, you did not use events to describe the relationship between the heroine and Mu Bai, and you did not even describe the way the heroine expressed her feelings to Mu Bai (the flirting does not count, that thing is more fantasy than a fantasy novel), so at the beginning I didn't know whether Mu Bai's feelings for the heroine were family affection or love.
After seeing it later, I realized Mu Bai's perverted personality. I don't know the reason for this character. This kid can't distinguish between love and family, and there may be something wrong with his head. I have never liked men who vent their emotions on things around them. I even hate people who run away in the name of "I can't protect you, so I got out." This is called cowardice.
"Is it him, with pen and ink embroidering brocade, infatuation with no regrets, love hidden in the heart, and the truth in the words?" Is it a description of Mu Bai, but I am sorry to tell you that you have failed to describe this character.
Well, actually I don't want to rehash old scores today, I'm here to comment on the new chapter.
Regarding the issue of the heroine entering the palace.
It's not that entering the palace is something vulgar. These days, Qingchuan, who is not the master of the harem? I just want to ask you to understand a problem. The heroine in your novel is a guest in someone's home (even though the Forbidden City is a golden brick and green tile, that place was originally inhabited by people). She is not going to visit. She entered the inner court of the Forbidden City and was led by someone. Do you think this place is a museum and you can just go there to visit wherever you want?
In order to find out whether the heroine could see the little brat without wandering around, I looked at the map of the Forbidden City to see the route the heroine would take to enter the palace.
I don't know if the Concubine Virtue mentioned by the heroine is the mother of Yongzheng in history. Anyway, the Concubine Virtue in history lived in Yonghe Palace, so for the time being, I will assume that the destination of the heroine's trip is Yonghe Palace.
Since I don't know who the little brat is, I don't know where he lives. I can only conclude that he is in a house on the east and west sides of the Imperial Garden (…).
It can be seen from the map that when the heroine is not wandering around (as I said, there is someone to lead the way in the Forbidden City), there is no intersection between the route map of Yonghe Palace and the Five East and West Palaces. Therefore, we know that the bridge section you designed is wrong.
... Go ahead and make it up, make it up as hard as you can.
Regarding the issue of personally liking the heroine.
"What are you doing~" I said charmingly, glaring at him with a charming look from the corner of my eyes, but found that his expression suddenly became very stiff and his breathing seemed to become much faster.
After I saw this scene, I just wanted to say——
Damn it!
The smell of dust is so strong, why do you say that you are born in the mud but not contaminated?
Why does everyone like the heroine's virtues?
What I hate the most is NP (here I mean multiple people liking a woman at the same time. Although this article is one-on-one, it is almost the same as NP). For me, everyone is unique and their interests can be the same, but eight people liking one person at the same time would be too fake. Again, no one is perfect. If the heroine is too perfect, it will only leave me with the impression that she is mentally retarded.
So, the author, you have crippled another character.
Regarding the issue of first person mutating into third person.
This problem has arisen from the beginning.
This thing has nothing to do with writing style. This is the most basic common sense, or it can be said to be a taboo.
A good article cannot produce such a frightening effect. It's just that the author cannot express himself in the first-person narrative language.
Here I would like to remind you, if you are not comfortable with first-person narration, could you please change it to third-person narrative? This nondescript thing made me feel sick to my stomach.
One final point.
"How can you be so vicious at such a young age!" I yelled angrily, and my usually beautiful voice seemed extremely solemn and inviolable at this time. "You know, even though this person is a palace maid, she still has a father and a mother, and is loved by her family. The blow on her body hurts her mother's heart. Even if you don't think about her, you should think about her parents who are past their seventies!"
Let me remind you that in ancient times, a woman got married at about fourteen, and this palace maid was more than twenty years old. So his parents were only in their forties at most, and no more than fifty at most. How could they be more than seventy years old? Being over seventy years old means that you are over seventy years old. Do you think this palace maid's parents are superpowers? Can you still have a baby at fifty?
Really, sometimes I want to remind you that there are some things that cannot be shown off, and you are not afraid of laughing at them if you show them out.
It's a bit ridiculous that you, the author, don't know the common sense that even I, a person who hasn't graduated from middle school, know.
PS, please change your writing style, flashy things are really embarrassing.
The worst article, I haven't even finished the last sentence.
The onlookers came here and were very happy to be shocked, but seeing that the author was also writing the article seriously and working hard to make changes, I felt that this attitude was quite good. Let me make some suggestions. First of all, since you have chosen to write in the first person, don't use the third person God's perspective from time to time. How can the heroine know what other people are thinking because she doesn't have the ability to read minds? Then, there are too many descriptions of the heroine's appearance and it is too deliberate. It doesn't have to be about the eyes to emphasize the "beautiful eyes". When it comes to the skin, it must be reminded that it can be broken by a blow. It's not that the appearance cannot be described, it is just too much. I can understand that the author wants to portray a perfect heroine like a fairy, but whether a character is truly kind, pure and noble must be shown through her actions, rather than just reminding her that she is kind, pure, etc., Which seems very pale and unconvincing. Furthermore, although time-travel stories are inherently imaginative, they should not be too divorced from reality. Although modern people's idea of "everyone is equal" is good, there may be no market in feudal society, and it cannot be solved by shouting "everyone is equal" a few times. If an ancient maid was suddenly shouted by the young lady, "We are the same person!", I guess the reaction would not be gratitude and joy, but would be scared, right? In fact, I don't quite understand this point. I just feel that the plot development of this article is too idealistic. Moreover, this article is trying to show how perfect the heroine's character is, but judging from her performance, it is clear that she only narcissistically thinks that she is perfect, and looks down on other women in the article. Mu Bai is from a feudal society, and of course she has feudal ideas. Do you think her maid is rash? She is a maid, but if she looks like a lady from a famous family, she is no longer a maid. That's what the oiran makes a living from, so how can he pretend to be a saint with a straight face every day? Since the heroine has the idea that everyone is equal, she should be able to understand the difficulties of others to some extent, instead of saying that everyone is equal while pretending to be arrogant and not taking others seriously. Then, the author is trying to say that the heroine is disheartened and has no mood for love, so she becomes confused after seeing a somewhat handsome man.
来啦 我要做铁粉
Come on↖(^ω^)↗
Maybe it's because the author has updated another chapter. I'm a little excited, so I'll post a few more words. The following are my personal comments. If you have any objections to my opinions, please use human words to comment. Try not to use dirty words. It's okay to discuss things with each other, but please don't attack with words. I am very dissatisfied with your chapter 18, the author. It has been a long time since you updated this time, but there are still too many adjectives to describe the appearance in it. It is not that you should not write it, but you have to have a degree. If you write a person too perfectly, it is not called a novel, it is simply an autobiography of Mary Sue. Novel is higher than life, but it is drawn from life. Whether it is fiction or science fiction, please start from human nature. It does not require the author to have good writing skills, but you still need to consider events from the perspective of characters. For example, in the second chapter, ""Sister... Qingcheng——" His voice suddenly stopped when he called my name, but I could feel the deep affection in that tone." Actually, I just want to ask, author, is there love in your world? Author, you did not use events to describe the relationship between the heroine and Mu Bai, and you did not even describe the way the heroine expressed her feelings to Mu Bai (the flirting does not count, that thing is more fantasy than a fantasy novel), so at the beginning I didn't know whether Mu Bai's feelings for the heroine were family affection or love. After seeing it later, I realized Mu Bai's perverted personality. I don't know the reason for this character. This kid can't distinguish between love and family, and there may be something wrong with his head. I have never liked men who vent their emotions on things around them. I even hate people who run away in the name of "I can't protect you, so I got out." This is called cowardice. "Is it him, with pen and ink embroidering brocade, infatuation with no regrets, love hidden in the heart, and the truth in the words?" Is it a description of Mu Bai, but I am sorry to tell you that you have failed to describe this character. Well, actually I don't want to rehash old scores today, I'm here to comment on the new chapter. Regarding the issue of the heroine entering the palace. It's not that entering the palace is something vulgar. These days, Qingchuan, who is not the master of the harem? I just want to ask you to understand a problem. The heroine in your novel is a guest in someone's home (even though the Forbidden City is a golden brick and green tile, that place was originally inhabited by people). She is not going to visit. She entered the inner court of the Forbidden City and was led by someone. Do you think this place is a museum and you can just go there to visit wherever you want? In order to find out whether the heroine could see the little brat without wandering around, I looked at the map of the Forbidden City to see the route the heroine would take to enter the palace. I don't know if the Concubine Virtue mentioned by the heroine is the mother of Yongzheng in history. Anyway, the Concubine Virtue in history lived in Yonghe Palace, so for the time being, I will assume that the destination of the heroine's trip is Yonghe Palace. Since I don't know who the little brat is, I don't know where he lives. I can only conclude that he is in a house on the east and west sides of the Imperial Garden (…). It can be seen from the map that when the heroine is not wandering around (as I said, there is someone to lead the way in the Forbidden City), there is no intersection between the route map of Yonghe Palace and the Five East and West Palaces. Therefore, we know that the bridge section you designed is wrong. ... Go ahead and make it up, make it up as hard as you can. Regarding the issue of personally liking the heroine. "What are you doing~" I said charmingly, glaring at him with a charming look from the corner of my eyes, but found that his expression suddenly became very stiff and his breathing seemed to become much faster. After I saw this scene, I just wanted to say—— Damn it! The smell of dust is so strong, why do you say that you are born in the mud but not contaminated? Why does everyone like the heroine's virtues? What I hate the most is NP (here I mean multiple people liking a woman at the same time. Although this article is one-on-one, it is almost the same as NP). For me, everyone is unique and their interests can be the same, but eight people liking one person at the same time would be too fake. Again, no one is perfect. If the heroine is too perfect, it will only leave me with the impression that she is mentally retarded. So, the author, you have crippled another character. Regarding the issue of first person mutating into third person. This problem has arisen from the beginning. This thing has nothing to do with writing style. This is the most basic common sense, or it can be said to be a taboo. A good article cannot produce such a frightening effect. It's just that the author cannot express himself in the first-person narrative language. Here I would like to remind you, if you are not comfortable with first-person narration, could you please change it to third-person narrative? This nondescript thing made me feel sick to my stomach. One final point. "How can you be so vicious at such a young age!" I yelled angrily, and my usually beautiful voice seemed extremely solemn and inviolable at this time. "You know, even though this person is a palace maid, she still has a father and a mother, and is loved by her family. The blow on her body hurts her mother's heart. Even if you don't think about her, you should think about her parents who are past their seventies!" Let me remind you that in ancient times, a woman got married at about fourteen, and this palace maid was more than twenty years old. So his parents were only in their forties at most, and no more than fifty at most. How could they be more than seventy years old? Being over seventy years old means that you are over seventy years old. Do you think this palace maid's parents are superpowers? Can you still have a baby at fifty? Really, sometimes I want to remind you that there are some things that cannot be shown off, and you are not afraid of laughing at them if you show them out. It's a bit ridiculous that you, the author, don't know the common sense that even I, a person who hasn't graduated from middle school, know. PS, please change your writing style, flashy things are really embarrassing.
Sofa! I saw two mouths! Remember to change it!