I have never dared to face that relationship, I have always avoided it, and I have always given it up. I used to think this was a kind of generosity, but now I know it's a kind of laziness, a stupid laziness.
I am born to be a hindsight person, and I have a unique kind of slowness towards everything. This slowness protects me from being hurt when things happen. Unfortunately, God has given me a brain that likes introspection. So while I get short-term happiness, I have to bear the deeper pain that is filled with irreparable things after realizing something later.