Would our current situation be better if we were of different genders? I never like it when people say the word "gay" nakedly. I always feel that these three words are so heavy that I can't breathe. In fact, I don't think it's so unbearable or bad to be with you. On the contrary, I'm very glad that we can go from 16 to 24 years old, witness each other's growth, and also be grateful for each other's company and encounter. But I still don't like those three words, even if the person I love is the same sex. These three words seem to be a label, used as a source of conversation and jokes. If I say I'm escaping, I won't deny it either.
I have always considered myself a cowardly person who is strong on the outside but capable on the inside. Being with you for so long is the boldest, scariest and least regretful decision I have ever made.
You are my beauty, but also my abyss.
In fact, I often wonder if I go back in time, will I choose not to meet you again? Maybe, but that's not the case.
I want to leave you, but I know it's hard for me to accept another person. How can someone be nicer to me than you are to me? How can someone love me better than yourself? The more I want to leave, the more reluctant I am to leave. I feel so cowardly and incompetent and so hesitant. I obviously love myself more but I can't bear to feel sorry for you.
Thinking about our love, it is actually not gorgeous, not so vigorous, just so plain. I heard that love itself should be simple and natural, firewood, rice, oil and salt, maybe that's how we are. Pure and pure,
Very good
But I finally decided to leave you.
————Xu Mu