In the stages when Yang Muchen was closest to death during her college years and afterward, she struggled hard in the suffocation of drowning in the abyss, making herself light and helpless, floating ashore without attachment. During these days of self-rescue, she actively and passively empathized with other people's deaths, and was tempted by a desire to commit suicide. But fortunately, she resisted this temptation and got the warmth of ironing in the dim light of the fire.