People always retain their obsession in a certain aspect, no matter how serious and pure they are. People cannot completely let go of themselves, because people are human beings, and so people are human beings. Some people try to empty themselves into a perfect machine, and gradually become numb, indifferent, and lose their feelings, and blame it all on "growth." In my opinion, this is not "growth", this is "degeneration", or it can be said to be "denaturation", or "degeneration". Even so, in the end there is still passion for a certain obsession. Perhaps because the hormones will not completely subside, the human heart will be hurt and broken, but it will never be missing. If it is not missing, it will feel pain. I have never experienced anything thick and deep, at most it is a winding stream. I also don't want to experience the deep sea. I only think of helplessness, not freedom. Until Taeko said to me: "It's suffocating, dangerous, dark, bitter, but you can't die. It's also a very exciting and beautiful thing." By chance, I got to know Taeko. She had a wonderful experience of interweaving light and darkness, being surrounded by fire and ice. In her words: "In those days, the air was filled with the bloody smell of narcissus." Taeko said that she had never been a good person. She did not do those hypocritical things to please, and lived in the society as hard as she could. She did not often curse or raise her fists like those people. Indifferent, she is indifferent, but she never takes the initiative to harm others. "I won't care about them if they seek their own death. If I care about them, I won't be pleased with them. If I care about them, they won't change, so I might as well suffer some pain myself."