Many words are hidden in my heart, choked in my throat, and cannot be explained clearly. I've been thinking about it for a long time and don't know where to start. Because I am timid, I have low self-esteem, I am afraid that no one will understand if I speak out, and I am afraid that all I will gain is sympathy. I was lonely and wanted someone to empathize with me, but I didn't want sympathy. I lived stubbornly with contradictions and wrote my own story. It's unfortunate, dramatic, bloody, funny, but really makes me reluctant to let go of my growth and youth.