Before I was twenty years old, I never thought that my life would take any major turning point. I would spend my whole life struggling with whether I could be recognized as a human sin, until Joshua appeared. This change really made me unexpected and even panicked, but it also gave me a new life that I could start over.
It is true that I am not qualified to be his mentor. Compared with those famous professors and scholars, I know very little about this world. It can even be said that I know nothing except subjective assumptions. It is really unfair to him to hold on to him.
But I can't let go.
Only with this opportunity can I give him my unspeakable desire for the world, my unspeakable admiration for human beings, and my conflicting fear of approaching and longing to touch everything, to this white paper full of tension, so that he can grow into what I hope but can never become, a real human being with flesh and blood.
Joshua, he is the only waywardness in my life, my selfishness, my desire, my...