He didn't know what was going on in his mind when he was a cat. It's the same now as a human being. Doing things based on your own preferences is like fighting regardless of it, like loving Sawada Tsunayoshi without reservation. His love can cost one's life, I found out later. But he was willing to give up his life, just like a drug addict who would never give up until he reached his goal - he was risking his life on his love for Sawada.