I'm just a patient.
I had a point in saying I was a sick kid.
I have lived in a state of insecurity since I was a child. It is difficult for me to get rid of my suspicion of others. I always think that people close to me are trying to take advantage of me or hurt me.
So, I only make friends with people I seem to be able to control. My friends often get annoyed by the many unreasonable rules I set.
These rules are actually some weird taboos that I keep inside of me.
Taboo is the strangest distance. It is difficult for us to achieve the intimate state of harmony.
Sometimes I would be disgusted by the turmoil of the world and sit alone in my corner playing with my fingers without saying a word. Language is so pale and feeble to me, as if if I say one more word, my whole person will collapse, my throat will become hoarse, my steps will become heavy, and my face will become older.
It's just that I'm so afraid of loneliness. I was afraid that the world would forget me in a dark room, accompanied by some scary words and a computer that was constantly glowing. I had tried that feeling more than once.