I sat in front of Si Yu's grave for thousands of times, staring at the sky in a daze, and in my mind, like an old movie, I reflected every moment since we met: the bright smile, the white tiger teeth, the face that bulges like a frog when angry, the blushing face on the wedding night, and the boundless darkness, and the body that gradually became cold in my arms...
Every burst of tears left me at a loss, and her last broken words were all in my ears——
No matter what, stay strong and live on
…
…
But I asked myself over and over again, a thousand times, ten thousand times, why should I continue to live strong? Although there are many people in this world who are worthy of my nostalgia - the elderly mother, the childish sister, and Aunt Ouyang who wait for me like a son, but you, my most cherished one, have left me. Once you said that you would grow old together with me, and once you said that you would stay with me for the rest of your life, but now, in this bustling world, I am the only one with my own taste. Taste the long longing and sadness, and guard the warm memories of the past little by little in the remaining life. I remembered that Sanmao forced a smile on his family after Jose passed away many years ago while letting his cold heart slowly grow old, until he finally left this world that no longer belonged to him. I finally experienced the relief after despair. Everything in my life suddenly became clear. I took out the gun and put it against my temple, smiling and slowly pulling the trigger——
"Pa"
I looked at the sky above my head for the last time. It was still so bright and warm.