Reason to Fly

Rather than saying it was an accident, it would be better to say that I had the idea of ​​committing suicide at the moment the car hit me. I have thought about committing suicide countless times, at least it would be painless, by taking sleeping pills, or jumping off a building. But I was hit by a car and was beyond recognition. However, I didn't feel much pain, and the wheel running over didn't hurt me much. Maybe I was too focused on one thing. Yes, something that has been on my mind since before the accident. Until I stopped breathing, I was still thinking about that incident, thinking about a girl named Fu, and thinking about the past with her. Now, I am glad that I am dead. I am really hanging in the air just like in my dream, watching the driver get out of the car to see my body twisted under his wheels. He was sweating profusely and making phone calls in a panic. The thoughts of my last moment when I died dominated me. I was suspended in the air and flew towards my home at a slow speed. In fact, I didn't know where her family lived, so I followed the bus that could go to her house. At first, I flew very slowly because I wasn't used to moving in this way and having this light body. However, I quickly adapted and my speed gradually increased. However, I must match the speed of the car, otherwise, I will get lost. I was a road addict during my lifetime. I finally saw the community where Fu lived, but I forgot which building and door she lived in. After I sighed, I started looking for her from house to house. After passing countless families, I suddenly felt very sad. No one saw me, and no one could see me. It must be sad, I only felt it at that moment. Because, I quickly found her residence and saw for the first time the place where she grew up and lived. I was very excited, and she called with a happy smile. I looked at her outside the window, but she still couldn't see me. I felt as if the prank had been successful, and I felt victorious. Outside the window, I couldn't hear clearly what she was saying, but I guessed that it was her current girlfriend, so I could put it this way. The phone call lasted for more than 45 minutes, and then she started texting again, it must be with her girlfriend, even if it was just to say good night. She got into the quilt, pressed the phone, and smiled sweetly with her two dimples. My heart didn't feel pain. Maybe a soul really doesn't feel pain when it leaves. I don't know if she ever smiled so sweetly when she was in love with me. It doesn't matter anymore. After all, it's all over. No matter how I look back, I feel so helpless. She even shrank her head under the quilt. At this time, I couldn't see whether she was asleep or continuing to send messages with her girlfriend. Sentiment came up with the night, forcing me to suffocate, how about it? How? After all, he is a dead person, and his sense of touch has been numbed. If I don't express appropriate sadness, it will only make me feel funny. At night, she slept, and I looked at her from the window. My obsession, my attachment, made me unable to sleep anymore. I want to look at her like this to satisfy my possessive desire. Although, I still do not possess her. She does not belong to me. She has her love and she will forget me. It's not yet dawn, but she has been woken up. Yes, the class will still go on. Even if I die, I suddenly feel a strong excitement. I don't have to sit in that cage-like classroom to listen to the class, and I don't have to face the hypocritical and ugly faces of the teachers. However, I still followed her, followed her into the classroom, and saw those familiar faces, yes, those good friends, classmates, and some people I once disliked. Ghosts don't cry, just like they want to suffer but can't find the heart that was lost on the corpse. How to be sad without a heart? The bad old man who was the head teacher announced my death to everyone with a look of extreme grief. If you die, you will die. Why do you have to say unnecessary and sensational words about my death? People who want to cry will naturally cry. People who don't want to cry, why do you say something that is not there to force them to cry in disguise? I didn't die just to call on everyone to cry for me. What I want has been achieved, so everyone should be happy with me. The class was in chaos, and those who once hated me felt sorry for me. What do I want them to feel sorry for? They don't like me anyway, wouldn't it be more in line with their wishes if I died? I regret saying something now that I didn't know how to cherish before. Is it useful? I don't care about their tears. It's not rare at all. Anyway, my death has become a reality. No matter how regretful or regretful I am, I will never go back. In fact, I don't want to go back at all. I did not go to my own memorial service, which was nothing more than an enlarged repeat of the scene in the classroom. "You should at least visit your parents and friends." I saw him, another soul, saying this to me. "Did you go to your memorial service?" I asked him. He nodded. "How does it feel?" I continued to ask him. "Seeing the people I love and those who love me cry and collapse, I feel very depressed, but you should also know that a soul cannot suffer, so it is so depressed that I can't cry." "Don't you think it's cruel? You can't cry." "It's very cruel. ""If I see my relatives and friends in such pain, but I can't express the pain or cry, I will feel that I am too cruel. I didn't cherish myself when I was alive. After death, I can no longer treat myself so cruelly." My voice changed a little. "But, aren't you doing something even more cruel now? You are just making excuses for your own selfishness!" He disappeared, or rather left. Anyway, I never saw him again. I floated in the sky all day long, watching and following her, watching her life all day long, from getting up to falling asleep, from going to school to finishing school, watching her play, watching her going crazy, and even watching her kissing her girlfriend. It might be a good thing not to feel pain or cry, it can make me feel self-righteous and strong. Is it strong? They are so dedicated, and I will never be able to be so dedicated. That kind of envy and jealousy made me suddenly irritable and restless. I had always thought that death was a good thing, but I regretted it at that time. The most painful thing about being an undead is the inability to contact and communicate with people. Death represents absolute loneliness. The loneliness that has been swallowed up, I now so desperately want to leave, but the obsession I had before my death has been controlling me and preventing me from leaving. I will always be alone. Forget it, I closed my eyes and didn't watch her and her girlfriend's entanglement at all. I want to see my parents and my best friends. However, I have to follow Fei away and follow her. This is no longer something I can control. I followed Fu who sent my girlfriend home, and then she entered an Internet cafe. I saw her chatting with my best friend in life. Their conversation revolves around me. About my death, about my parents. These are the only people who really care about me. They are many times more sad than the average person. They said that they can feel that I am still beside them, that I am still in a corner of the classroom during class. I am indeed in a corner of the classroom, because my soul floats with her anytime and anywhere. I must follow her, because in the last moment before I die, she is all I can think of. My friends also said that they would buy an extra meal for lunch every day because they felt that I was always there and I was the most hungry among them. They also said that my mother went crazy because of my death, and that my father worked so hard to take care of my mother every day that he was so thin that he looked like a man. I felt very sorry for them, but I still couldn't cry. I haven't been able to cry. Following Fu every day, I am not as happy and satisfied as I once thought, because I have bound myself, and I have been a person who has longed for freedom since I was alive. I see the sweetness and entanglement between Fu and her girlfriend every day, but I can't hate her. Maybe I recognized that girl from the beginning, and she will be better than me and more suitable for Fu. It doesn't matter whether I recognize it or not, but such recognition will only make me feel inferior. Moreover, if Rang Fu knew that I was with her every day, she would definitely hate me even more. I want to leave this bondage more and more. I no longer want to follow her. I don't want to continue to be a resentful ghost, and I don't want to repeat my helplessness a thousand or ten thousand times every day. Fu and her girlfriend were kissing, a passionate and long kiss. If there is wind outside the window at this time, I will have a reason to fly. You understand the sadness and happiness accumulated in my heart. So I am free, you don't understand, so I fall. If there are clouds outside the window at this time, I will have an excuse to miss you. Love inspires my wings in flight. You respond and I am close to heaven. You are silent and I become a passing person. The fate of the wings is to face the wind. When my love turns to love, I face the lonely universe alone. The fate of attachment is loneliness. My love, when you are tired of wandering around the world, I will meet you at the end of the world Eventually, I was able to let go.