"Wow...! Very good! Sakuragaoka is indeed one of the best schools for celebrities. What a great environment."
The eleven-year-old girl who spoke was standing under a cherry blossom tree. White and pink cherry blossom petals were flying around her, some of which were floating on her long-sleeved dress, dotted with the blue dress. The breeze mixed with tendencies and blew her black curly hair. The long hair is blowing in the wind. The petals stuck on the clothes are busy dancing with the wind. The sunlight shines on her body through the treetops, and it looks like a faint light from a distance...! !
Reader comments
The writing is very good, spread the flowers!
The sadness after trying hard to have it is better than the regret of never trying...
Oh oh oh oh... Wolf howl... This sentence is too ambiguous... It gives people too much room for imagination... Oh oh oh, big friend... What is your reaction to this sentence... I'm so looking forward to it... I'm waiting for tomorrow with anticipation... La la la
Let's start with the title of the novel "Still Water under the Cloud". To be honest, I don't even know what this name means? But at the first sight, I was attracted by it. This means that the title of your novel has reached an attractive point, and it would be better just to let readers better understand its meaning.
Let's talk about the copywriting of the article again. I almost skipped through it, and when I went back and read it again, it was still messy, and it was hard for me to settle down and read the copy. At least your copy conveys the main idea, which is to record the struggles of several young men and women for their dreams and love.
Then comes the text. This is from the writing to the plot to the last details of the characters.
Writing style: This is the first time the author writes an article, and the story is written so smoothly, which is worthy of encouragement. Regarding the quality of your writing, I'll give you 80 points.
Plot: After reading Chapter 11, there is not much plot to describe. If you recall carefully, it probably covers the events from the female pig watching the concert to falling into the water and meeting the male pig, to the turmoil in entering the training class, to being sinned by someone, to the first exam, and there are some branches in it. I want to say that your writing is a bit procrastinating. At least it should be more concise at the beginning. For example, a few characters appear all at once in the first chapter, and there are more characters in the second chapter than the first. I can't tell them clearly. The characters should appear slowly, which makes the readers uncomfortable. When I saw the section about the female pelt and the female pig, which was in Chapter 8, I was secretly happy. It was probably the most brilliant part of your writing. Overall, the plot is a bit slow and concise, so don't overload the novel with word count.
Character: The character of the female pig is described as being quiet at first, but then she becomes strong and self-reliant when encountering things. The most important thing is that she is not pretentious and kind, and the writing is more three-dimensional. The male pig just started to describe Sunshine becoming a little shy when he met the female pig. For example, "touching his nose embarrassedly" was written as a bit shy. When he experienced the female pig's misfortune, he did not show the aura of a king, but was just fierce. Generally speaking, the male pig's character needs more experience. The character of the female supporting character suddenly changed. There should be more descriptions of her psychology, struggles and the like. The character descriptions of several male supporting characters are all passable, so I won't go into details anymore, let's experience them slowly. The other characters were so cluttered that I felt dizzy looking at so many names.
Detailed description: As for your detailed description, it can be roughly described in two words: superficial. Ninety-nine percent of people in JJ are like this, so don't pay too much attention to it. I just want to find out your shortcomings and slowly improve in writing articles in the future. For example: The author spent a lot of pen and ink in setting up the scene, but there is less description of the main male and female pig feet, such as the part about falling into the water, the part about returning clothes, the part about evil, and the part about escaping from the toilet. More Some scenes with pig's feet look more sensational this way; why do you say that your description is superficial? There is almost no love in reading your article, there is no sense of substitution, and it feels flat. I guess my requirements for myself are too high, and my requirements for you are too high.
At last. I myself don't know what was said or what effect it had on the author. But as a newcomer, you have done a good job. I actually found that you made very few typos. You must have spent a lot of time on typos. Putting you in the position of a newcomer, I would give your article an 85 score. Looking at JJ, I would rate it around 60.
The last last. I think the author should not cram words into the later chapters and be more concise. For characters, more people will spend their hearts on pig's feet. When revising this aspect, as long as you insist on updating it daily, you will definitely gain something. I have a lot of typos and I'm too lazy to correct them, so don't mind.
By the way, I won't sadly end up on the wrong CP again. . Don't. . But it's well written~~
The writing is very good, spread the flowers!
The sadness after trying hard to have it is better than the regret of never trying... Oh oh oh oh... Wolf howl... This sentence is too ambiguous... It gives people too much room for imagination... Oh oh oh, big friend... What is your reaction to this sentence... I'm so looking forward to it... I'm waiting for tomorrow with anticipation... La la la
Let's start with the title of the novel "Still Water under the Cloud". To be honest, I don't even know what this name means? But at the first sight, I was attracted by it. This means that the title of your novel has reached an attractive point, and it would be better just to let readers better understand its meaning. Let's talk about the copywriting of the article again. I almost skipped through it, and when I went back and read it again, it was still messy, and it was hard for me to settle down and read the copy. At least your copy conveys the main idea, which is to record the struggles of several young men and women for their dreams and love. Then comes the text. This is from the writing to the plot to the last details of the characters. Writing style: This is the first time the author writes an article, and the story is written so smoothly, which is worthy of encouragement. Regarding the quality of your writing, I'll give you 80 points. Plot: After reading Chapter 11, there is not much plot to describe. If you recall carefully, it probably covers the events from the female pig watching the concert to falling into the water and meeting the male pig, to the turmoil in entering the training class, to being sinned by someone, to the first exam, and there are some branches in it. I want to say that your writing is a bit procrastinating. At least it should be more concise at the beginning. For example, a few characters appear all at once in the first chapter, and there are more characters in the second chapter than the first. I can't tell them clearly. The characters should appear slowly, which makes the readers uncomfortable. When I saw the section about the female pelt and the female pig, which was in Chapter 8, I was secretly happy. It was probably the most brilliant part of your writing. Overall, the plot is a bit slow and concise, so don't overload the novel with word count. Character: The character of the female pig is described as being quiet at first, but then she becomes strong and self-reliant when encountering things. The most important thing is that she is not pretentious and kind, and the writing is more three-dimensional. The male pig just started to describe Sunshine becoming a little shy when he met the female pig. For example, "touching his nose embarrassedly" was written as a bit shy. When he experienced the female pig's misfortune, he did not show the aura of a king, but was just fierce. Generally speaking, the male pig's character needs more experience. The character of the female supporting character suddenly changed. There should be more descriptions of her psychology, struggles and the like. The character descriptions of several male supporting characters are all passable, so I won't go into details anymore, let's experience them slowly. The other characters were so cluttered that I felt dizzy looking at so many names. Detailed description: As for your detailed description, it can be roughly described in two words: superficial. Ninety-nine percent of people in JJ are like this, so don't pay too much attention to it. I just want to find out your shortcomings and slowly improve in writing articles in the future. For example: The author spent a lot of pen and ink in setting up the scene, but there is less description of the main male and female pig feet, such as the part about falling into the water, the part about returning clothes, the part about evil, and the part about escaping from the toilet. More Some scenes with pig's feet look more sensational this way; why do you say that your description is superficial? There is almost no love in reading your article, there is no sense of substitution, and it feels flat. I guess my requirements for myself are too high, and my requirements for you are too high. At last. I myself don't know what was said or what effect it had on the author. But as a newcomer, you have done a good job. I actually found that you made very few typos. You must have spent a lot of time on typos. Putting you in the position of a newcomer, I would give your article an 85 score. Looking at JJ, I would rate it around 60. The last last. I think the author should not cram words into the later chapters and be more concise. For characters, more people will spend their hearts on pig's feet. When revising this aspect, as long as you insist on updating it daily, you will definitely gain something. I have a lot of typos and I'm too lazy to correct them, so don't mind.
By the way, I won't sadly end up on the wrong CP again. . Don't. . But it's well written~~