There are two things in this world that I will never believe.
One is retribution and the other is afterlife.
So when I aborted the child with my own hands, I didn't have any fear at all.
So when I stood on the other side, looking at the distance between my fingertips and you spanning thousands of years, my despair surged over me like a black vortex of eternal silence at the bottom of stagnant water, eroding me bit by bit until the last moment of my life.
You caused me to bear the consequences.
The thing I regret most in my life is that I used myself as a tool to take revenge on you, and then I lost you and myself.
After walking through these bumpy years, looking back, I can see the wantonness and unrestrainedness in the green years, the painful struggle in the emotional whirlpool, the sinister despair after betrayal and use, the desolation and loneliness of leaving a foreign country, the desperate crazy paranoia, all kinds of things, the only thing I feel sorry for is myself.
I owe myself a period of happiness.
No one can afford it.
I only hope that one day, I can cross the grave and stand before God as an equal with the man I love.