She admits that she has always been a crazy girl, she knows that she is very unrealistic, she loves Killua, she loves him very much, even if he is an anime character. But she still loves him, and she believes that he is her light. How could she give up! She had just begun to try to understand the existence she longed for, and she was unwilling to accept it. So she has to try, she can't give up, even if she has to pay any price.