A monster broke into my body. It bared its teeth and claws, rampaged around, lacked rationality, and only knew how to destroy. I am its owner, but I cannot tame it, no, maybe, definitely, secretly I am willing to indulge it, like a behind-the-scenes instigator, hiding in the dark to spy on its misbehavior, even though it is painful, I am still enjoying it. However, sometimes it turns around and bites me, pushing me into a dead end, and I run until the end, with no way out.