When the plane landed at Chengdu Airport, it was raining heavily, and I couldn't help but feel depressed, worried about gains and losses. A person in this strange city needs to carry his own luggage, eat and accompany himself. I was lonely, but I didn't tell anyone. Everyone sees that I am always glamorous and always surrounded by people, but no one really knows what I need. When I went to college, I realized that I had lost a lot of things, and they were all things that I couldn't get back. This oppressive and suffocating life does not know when it will end. Every day in my life without a goal makes me want to commit suicide. Fortunately, there is always a glimmer of hope in times of despair, and there are one or two people who can listen to my nagging. I only dedicate this document to my parents, my good friends, and him.