Little Christian: Dad, they all say I'm not human!
Christian Sr.: If they say that, reply 'I'm not a man, I'm a god'.
Little Christian:…
Little Christian: Dad, they say my family has troll blood!
Christian Sr.: No, no, no, I can confirm that your mother and I are not a hybrid.
Little Christian: No dad, maybe your troll blood only affects your brain.
Old Christian:…
Little Christian: Dad, they say I'm the heir of Slytherin!
Christian Sr.: Oh, maybe you should ask your mother about that. Does she have some kind of... Connection with the noseless terrorist leader?
Head of Terrorists:…
Angry protagonist mother: Oh dear, you have to know that this naughty kid has your hair color and eye color. Maybe I should ask Severus if his head asked him to use the fertility potion?
Old Christian:…