She always wanted to be that Chunyan, but in the end she still had no freedom.
That dance was just a means of survival. Who would have thought that just one glance at the poop would make her imprisoned for most of her life?
How could you be willing to do so? How could you accept the situation? How could you not want to do everything possible to escape?
But she couldn't do it, because what she encountered was Shen Duan.
Who is Shen Duan - he would rather she become a plaything under him and never laugh again than let her leave him - she is his addiction, he can't quit, he can't escape, he can't help but avoid it.