I kept simulating various killing scenes in my mind, and it became my habit over time. Ever since I was a child, I have loved reading detective and murder-type books, whether they are novels or comics. Every time I see a description of how a person is killed by various cruel means, my heart beats faster. I would naturally assume the role of the murderer, and the idea of what clever means I would use to kill him kept popping up in my mind. Sometimes I feel really terrible, and I often ask myself why I can be so cruel.
Only now did I realize, oh, it turns out that killing a person is just that.