After you left, every day became more depressing. I want to spend my time thinking about you by immersing myself in work, but most of the time my heart is still filled with loneliness.
Did you know? Loneliness is a wonderful feeling. Even though my heart has been extremely heavy, it still feels empty. Even breathing can make my chest feel sore and unbearable, but I have no choice but to find that I have nothing but breathing that makes me heavier and heavier.
Did you know? My memory doesn't seem to be mine. Every time I wake up, I say, next time I will seriously forget your habits and stop being excited when I see you. But after a few hours, not even half an hour, the memory will automatically fail when I see you again, all the decisions just made will disappear, and the memories of the past will surge up.
Always afraid.
Afraid of facing myself who enjoys daydreaming all day long, afraid of being helpless every time my heart twitches in loneliness, afraid of being like this. I clearly know that there are many things that can make me happier than you at this time, but I choose pain so habitually.
It's really annoying, that habit of standing on tiptoes in the crowd looking for you who is careless.
It's really annoying, I care and you don't care.
But loving you is a habit.
Because I never knew what love was.