I always worry about gain and loss, what I have pursued, what has gone with the wind, what I have now, what I have lost, what I will never get, what belongs to me, what does not belong to me, what I can't hold on to, what I can't let go, what I desire, what I am persistent, what I care about, what I don't care about, what I like, what I hate, they are all floating there, uncertain, I can't love myself, I can't understand how to love others, I'm doing it with Things that contradict your beliefs, there is too much unpredictability in the future, like a leaf drifting in the sea, God cannot arrange whether it will float or not, or where it will float. No matter what hardships you encounter, don't complain, because you choose the road yourself, and you can only grow through pain. This is what human beings are best at, and what they least want to see. But maybe, torturing you is because of God's love.