I woke up from a nightmare, sitting on the windowsill in the early morning, smoking and thinking about the past.
Those past are like blurry and broken movies, with light and shadow intertwined, passing through the boundless night, drawing faint and sharp lights in front of my eyes, illuminating the confusion in my heart about many people and things over the years.
I thought of the days when I was with Meng Fan, and of Meng Fan's departure. I thought of my good friend Xiao Wu, and of Xiao Wu's death. I thought of my former boyfriend Cheng Kang, who was a married man, and of my final turn.
In such a night, there is a slight heat, but it is quiet. Except for the monotonous chirping of insects, there is almost no noise. It's like being suddenly exiled from human society.
On nights like this, I suddenly understood why Meng Fan said, "Let's stop contacting each other" and why she left me.
And I also began to wonder, after being separated from Meng Fan for a whole year, after I struggled with this for a whole year, can I be braver, push aside the timid, selfish, cowardly and decadent things in me, go to Meng Fan, tell her my thoughts, tell her that although I am not good enough or sunny enough, I am willing to spread a four-leaf clover grassland with you.
It's almost dawn, are you still willing to wait for me?
Conception: