Choice of Words

When Xu Yan was seventeen, he was nailed to an invisible wall I don't know who first spread the news that Xu Yan from Class 2 was gay. Then the posts grew like weeds all over the wall of confession - calling him disgusting, calling him dirty, publishing his phone number and home address, and even fabricating hookup information. When he walked into the classroom every day, it was like walking into a huge interrogation room. Everyone's eyes were on his back, which was as heavy as a stone. He thought this would be it for the rest of his life One person doesn't think so Gu Zechuan, his deskmate, the boy who never wore the collar of his school uniform properly, began to put breakfast on his table, accompany him to eat at noon until the cafeteria was empty, and carry him off the rooftop during physical education class. Gu Zechuan didn't say anything nice, he just did everything - handing out milk, making up notes, and walking the same road after school They got together during the summer vacation when they were nineteen years old. Xu Yan hid all the unsaid ten years in that stone that does not shine. In the days that followed, it seemed that things had finally turned in the right direction. They were admitted to the same university and rented a small apartment. Gu Zechuan cooked and Xu Yan washed the dishes. They went to the beach on weekends and stayed on the rooftop to watch the stars in winter. Xu Yan started taking medicine, started writing poetry, and began to believe that being loved might be true. Gu Zechuan thought everything was fine. On the day he turned twenty-five, Gu Zechuan came home and there was no one in the house. He received the first proactive call from Xu Yan. Said on the phone: "Gu Zechuan, you are really nice... But I really don't know what to do..." The phone was disconnected. Xu Yan promised in the text message that he would live well. Then he jumped from the rooftop of the twentieth floor. When Gu Zechuan opened the carton, he really got to know Xu Yan for the first time - those sticky notes, movie tickets, stickers on milk cartons that he had secretly collected for many years, and letters filled with secret love but never sent. There is also a line: "You were the only light when I was seventeen years old. But I was too heavy, and the light could not hold me up." Then Gu Zechuan opened his eyes In the seventeen-year-old's classroom, sunlight filtered in through the gaps in the curtains. Xu Yan was sitting on his right, lowering his head to write a paper. There were threads coming out of the cuffs of his school uniform. He was so thin, so quiet, sitting there alive God gave him a chance to come back. This time Gu Zechuan knew everything - he knew when Xu Yan started to suffer from insomnia, knew what Xu Yan wrote in his notebook, and knew that Xu Yan had secretly liked him for ten years. There is only one thing he has to do: catch this luminous stone properly From the age of seventeen to thirty-eight, from the rooftop to the balcony, from one "good" to another "good". This is a story about second chances - some people spend their whole lives loving someone, and some people spend their whole lives proving that this love is worth it. "Choice of Words": "Choice" is Gu Zechuan's choice, "Yan" is Xu Yan's name, and all his unfinished words. Homophonous for "oath", it spans life and death and can be fulfilled in a lifetime This is not just a story about redemption. It is about a boy who was firmly caught by someone when the whole world was pushing him away. It writes that depression is not shameful, you can take medicine when you are sick, and there will be someone there when you look back. It writes about long silence, forbearing love, and "living on" harder and harder every time. Dedicated to all those who have ever thought they were stone Someone will always pick you up and put you on the windowsill Then you will find that when the moon shines on you, you will really shine Concept: The concept of the work is to make every "stone" believe that it is worthy of being caught. 1. About being seen Xu Yan's illness stems from being "not seen" for a long time. In his family of origin, he is redundant, in rumors he is a target of stigmatization, and in the crowd he is a shunned existence. He lived like a stone at the bottom of the river, sinking in the darkest place, thinking that this was his destination. And everything Gu Zechuan did was essentially saying the same thing - I see you. Not to see his illness, his wounds, or his silence, but to see the person himself. Handing him a carton of milk, carrying him to the infirmary, leaving a light for him to come home - these trivial daily activities together are the most solemn confirmation from one person to another: you exist and you are worthy. 2. About the second chance: Gu Zechuan's rebirth is not only the setting of the story, but also a response to "regret". In the last life, he didn't have time to know Xu Yan's secret love, he didn't have time to understand Xu Yan's illness, he didn't have time to say "Don't hang up, I'll be right back" on the last phone call. Rebirth gave him a chance to make corrections, but it also revealed something more essential - those "too late" moments were never due to lack of time, but because love was not expressed in time. One of the purposes of "choose words" is to express love. Don't wait until you lose it, don't wait until it's too late and then regret it, but while he is still there, tell him sentence by sentence: You are loved. 3. About depression and living This story does not glorify depression, nor does it turn it into something that can be easily cured by "love". Xu Yan took medicine, saw a doctor, relapsed, and then received treatment - this process was written in a long and detailed way. Love is support, but not an antidote. Xu Yan survived in the end thanks to Gu Zechuan's company and his own choice to "try again" again and again. The idea is: depression is not shameful, you can seek help when you are sick, and every day of your life is not easy, but it is worth it. "Live well" is not a light comfort, but a long-term persistence that needs to be re-chosen every day. 4. Regarding "stone" and "light" Xu Yan compared himself to a stone, sinking at the bottom of the river and not emitting light. But Gu Zechuan told him: stones will also glow when illuminated by the moon. This image runs throughout the entire text - those who feel that they are "ordinary", "superfluous" and "unworthy of love" do not have no light themselves, but have not been illuminated. And light cannot pick stones. It shines on everything that wants to be shined upon. 5. Finally, about love itself. The whole story was told for seventeen years. In the end, it was condensed into only one thing - love is not salvation, but love is the foundation. It will not cure your disease for you, but it will accompany you to the doctor, remind you to take medicine, and tell you a very earthy story when you have insomnia at night. It's not great, it's trivial, routine, even boring. But it's always there. Always being there is what it means. One sentence summarizes the idea: "You are not a stone, you just haven't met the person who is willing to put you on the windowsill."