[The cunning little fox pretends to be a weak sister x has a cold face and raised lips to lure the cool guy]
Fantasy sweet stories for boys and girls, dog training literature
In order to investigate her father's unjust case five years ago, Qiao Wan, a sick and orphan girl, went to Beijing to seek refuge with her mother's adoptive mother, the old lady of Zhenyuan Hou Mansion.
Qiao Wan found out that her nominal cousin, Yue Xingchi, the third son of the Zhenyuan Marquis Mansion, was the Xuanlan envoy of the Ministry of Justice who worked with Dali Temple officials on the case. He was notoriously jealous of evil.
She had just made up her mind to use all means to win over the other party.
I found that the road was narrow——
I once publicly humiliated him who was pretending to be handling a case!
Sure enough, that night Qiao Wan was humiliated by the other party. The other party's words were extremely spicy: "Ms. Qiao has a habit of worshiping superiors and underestimating inferiors. She dislikes the poor and loves the rich."
Qiao Wan endured it.
When this road failed, she decided to find another one, so she decisively gave up her friendship with Yue Xingchi. As a result, she was tied to Yue Xingchi's bed by unknown magic that night.
The weird golden threads on their arms entangled the two of them tightly. Qiao Wan was about to ask Yue Xingchi why the verbal dispute came to this point, when she saw the other party blushing to the tips of his ears: "Shameless!"
Qiao Wan, who was pinned down by the other party:...
Then get up first!
*
Yue Xingchi was a talented young man, and his journey was smooth until that "fake cousin" appeared.
She was cunning and smooth, and easily deceived the Manfu people into turning around. He was clearly looking at her coldly, but she still dared to smile at him.
This kind of smile is often seen on the faces of those who want to climb high branches.
He didn't expect to be bound to her by a love spell.
What's more, he didn't expect that his cousin, whose love spell was still unsolved and who had to hold hands and hug him every night, would give up the near and seek the far away in order to investigate the case, and show the same smile to other men.
He finally couldn't help it and did something ridiculous.
Like a dog that got wet and abandoned, he pushed her against the end of the alley before she knocked on someone else's door.
Yue Xingchi: "You love vanity and you can do it with anyone, so why not choose me?"
Qiao Wan:? ? What is the relationship between these three sentences?
Reading guide:
1. The Xuanlan Envoy of the Ministry of Punishment is the official demon hunter.
2. The male protagonist alone supports most of the romance.
3. The investigation process includes Baobao's machinations, and the process of hunting down demons to uncover clues to the injustice, all serving the emotional line.
Mission: Persevere in yourself in the face of adversity.
Reader comments
[Cat's Claw] It's so good-looking, boss, please update it quickly [Spread Flowers] [Spread Flowers] [Spread Flowers] is getting better and better hey hey [Glasses] [Glasses] [Glasses]
Die die die die die die swish swish swish [angry] [angry] [angry] [angry] [angry] [angry] Destroy him! Quick! I can't bear it anymore!
This chapter is packed with several content lines at the same time: memories of past family feuds, difficulties encountered on the road, conflicts in tavern slaying demons, and foreshadowing of the protagonist's identity. Several plot lines are squeezed into the same chapter, and the amount of information is very full. However, the narrative rhythm is obviously not straightened out, and the reading feels very fragmented. The overall story is based on the ancient style, but also adds a fantasy demon-killing setting. The dialogues and entanglements between the characters have the sense of tension of early online novels. It can be seen that the text has been deliberately polished, but the wording and plot logic in many places are rather blunt, and there are many loopholes. You can dig into the problems from the following dimensions:
1. In terms of time and narrative transition: jumps are stiff and lack buffering. For example, when Qiao Wan was a child, she sneaked into the main hall and witnessed the tragedy of her father poisoning to death. The scene was very impactful. But there is no transitional sentence, and the direct sentence "at the same time" cuts to the bumpy carriage five years later. The time and space jump is too rough. As soon as the reader sinks into the tragic mood, he is immediately dragged into the rush plot, and his emotions are completely cut off. I roughly understand that you want to express the purpose of using similar things to connect time and space to link memories and the present. However, this way of writing is too blunt. You can get a similar feeling with a little phrasing. It shouldn't be difficult with your writing style. The second important problem is that the timeline is interspersed like a rigid splicing, and there is a lack of detailed descriptions of the transfer between different parts of the plot. Without the sense of transition of the lens as a buffer, it would be easy for readers to lose the sense of being there, unable to change their field of view, and unable to immerse themselves in the scene. Just add a little detail to this.
Second, in terms of character description: it is all a pile of labels, separated from reality, and lacks a sense of reality. As far as Qiao Wan is concerned, the character design can be said to be a huge failure. She was originally burdened with the unjust case of killing her father, coupled with the reality of being dependent on others, she should be a cautious and introverted image, thoughtful, and not exposed. However, when she faced the male protagonist in the tavern, she spoke sharply, provoked and ridiculed, and deliberately confronted her. It was almost like an unreasonable defensive counterattack. You probably want to create an independent and keen image, but independence does not mean being too unique, and being sharp does not mean being sharp. Acting impulsively and publicly are completely contrary to the original goal. Moreover, for such a woman who is under great pressure, her inner sadness, grief, anger, fatigue, fear and other emotions are not exposed at all, nor is she uniquely strong. I have deep doubts about her ability to "investigate cases". She should show self-protection instead of exposing herself to arguments with beggars. The male protagonist is a complete template for routines. I don't want to say more here. The classic problems in shaping are that the details are thin, there is too little foreshadowing, and the characteristics are like hasty repairs. What's more, the logic of his behavior is chaotic, and his subsequent behavior towards the heroine seems to be teasing and belittling, with no reason at all. The problem of group portraits is similar to that of the male protagonist, so I won't go into details here.
3. Environmental characterization: The awareness of scenery serving the plot is too weak, and the sense of atmosphere is either not established, or the creation is a bit wasteful. There are certainly some merits, such as the thunderstorm that accentuates the fighting scenes, which is considered normal. But maybe when Qiao Wan recalled that her family was destroyed and everyone was dead, the environment could be more bleak, and then contrast with the current scorching heat. This could be a reason to pull back to reality. It is even more obvious that the description of the tavern does not have a real sense of space. As a place where the story unfolds, it lacks fireworks, and it seems to be no different if it is replaced by an open space. The remaining problems generally include the lack of a sense of layering and progression in the creation of the environment, and a somewhat plug-and-play feel that cannot serve the big screen. It is a classic problem in the author's writing that the description of the environment is too deliberate or ineffective. It is like writing just what you feel, without careful consideration.
I believe you are aware of other issues regarding blunt language, over-stuffing, and sudden turns to fantasy, and you can think about it yourself. I'm just a hobbyist who likes to discover new treasures, and I hope this comment won't make you feel like I'm looking for trouble. Due to space limitations, I will not write too much, and questions of the same type will not be repeated. After all, it is normal for people to make repeated mistakes without being aware of it. Maybe your idea and outline are creative, but you're currently moving too quickly. Come on!
""It's not just money, I have a lot..." This is a big bug for the author~
Master, doesn't he care about you? He doesn't even leave any pocket money [eating melon]
""You are simply..." Yue Xingchi..." Hahahahahaha help! A dignified monk who couldn't get any money out of his magic weapon, was described by the heroine in this way, and he instantly changed from a "cold monk" to a "down-and-out young master". Yue Xingchi's inner thoughts at this time must be: "I am penniless, but I am not a beggar!
The boy with the high ponytail hit my point [bad smile]
It's obvious that both of them are mouthy [dog-headed], so they won't be mortal enemies.
Male protagonist: It's unforgivable. I want to quarrel with her and win the quarrel! After seeing the female protagonist's face: [melted]
This rhythm is so tight! From pretending to be weak to fighting each other, when we meet in normal times, we are like enemies, but when we are serious, we show off our boyfriend power~
[Cat's Claw] It's so good-looking, boss, please update it quickly [Spread Flowers] [Spread Flowers] [Spread Flowers] is getting better and better hey hey [Glasses] [Glasses] [Glasses]
Die die die die die die swish swish swish [angry] [angry] [angry] [angry] [angry] [angry] Destroy him! Quick! I can't bear it anymore!
This chapter is packed with several content lines at the same time: memories of past family feuds, difficulties encountered on the road, conflicts in tavern slaying demons, and foreshadowing of the protagonist's identity. Several plot lines are squeezed into the same chapter, and the amount of information is very full. However, the narrative rhythm is obviously not straightened out, and the reading feels very fragmented. The overall story is based on the ancient style, but also adds a fantasy demon-killing setting. The dialogues and entanglements between the characters have the sense of tension of early online novels. It can be seen that the text has been deliberately polished, but the wording and plot logic in many places are rather blunt, and there are many loopholes. You can dig into the problems from the following dimensions: 1. In terms of time and narrative transition: jumps are stiff and lack buffering. For example, when Qiao Wan was a child, she sneaked into the main hall and witnessed the tragedy of her father poisoning to death. The scene was very impactful. But there is no transitional sentence, and the direct sentence "at the same time" cuts to the bumpy carriage five years later. The time and space jump is too rough. As soon as the reader sinks into the tragic mood, he is immediately dragged into the rush plot, and his emotions are completely cut off. I roughly understand that you want to express the purpose of using similar things to connect time and space to link memories and the present. However, this way of writing is too blunt. You can get a similar feeling with a little phrasing. It shouldn't be difficult with your writing style. The second important problem is that the timeline is interspersed like a rigid splicing, and there is a lack of detailed descriptions of the transfer between different parts of the plot. Without the sense of transition of the lens as a buffer, it would be easy for readers to lose the sense of being there, unable to change their field of view, and unable to immerse themselves in the scene. Just add a little detail to this. Second, in terms of character description: it is all a pile of labels, separated from reality, and lacks a sense of reality. As far as Qiao Wan is concerned, the character design can be said to be a huge failure. She was originally burdened with the unjust case of killing her father, coupled with the reality of being dependent on others, she should be a cautious and introverted image, thoughtful, and not exposed. However, when she faced the male protagonist in the tavern, she spoke sharply, provoked and ridiculed, and deliberately confronted her. It was almost like an unreasonable defensive counterattack. You probably want to create an independent and keen image, but independence does not mean being too unique, and being sharp does not mean being sharp. Acting impulsively and publicly are completely contrary to the original goal. Moreover, for such a woman who is under great pressure, her inner sadness, grief, anger, fatigue, fear and other emotions are not exposed at all, nor is she uniquely strong. I have deep doubts about her ability to "investigate cases". She should show self-protection instead of exposing herself to arguments with beggars. The male protagonist is a complete template for routines. I don't want to say more here. The classic problems in shaping are that the details are thin, there is too little foreshadowing, and the characteristics are like hasty repairs. What's more, the logic of his behavior is chaotic, and his subsequent behavior towards the heroine seems to be teasing and belittling, with no reason at all. The problem of group portraits is similar to that of the male protagonist, so I won't go into details here. 3. Environmental characterization: The awareness of scenery serving the plot is too weak, and the sense of atmosphere is either not established, or the creation is a bit wasteful. There are certainly some merits, such as the thunderstorm that accentuates the fighting scenes, which is considered normal. But maybe when Qiao Wan recalled that her family was destroyed and everyone was dead, the environment could be more bleak, and then contrast with the current scorching heat. This could be a reason to pull back to reality. It is even more obvious that the description of the tavern does not have a real sense of space. As a place where the story unfolds, it lacks fireworks, and it seems to be no different if it is replaced by an open space. The remaining problems generally include the lack of a sense of layering and progression in the creation of the environment, and a somewhat plug-and-play feel that cannot serve the big screen. It is a classic problem in the author's writing that the description of the environment is too deliberate or ineffective. It is like writing just what you feel, without careful consideration. I believe you are aware of other issues regarding blunt language, over-stuffing, and sudden turns to fantasy, and you can think about it yourself. I'm just a hobbyist who likes to discover new treasures, and I hope this comment won't make you feel like I'm looking for trouble. Due to space limitations, I will not write too much, and questions of the same type will not be repeated. After all, it is normal for people to make repeated mistakes without being aware of it. Maybe your idea and outline are creative, but you're currently moving too quickly. Come on!
""It's not just money, I have a lot..." This is a big bug for the author~ Master, doesn't he care about you? He doesn't even leave any pocket money [eating melon]
""You are simply..." Yue Xingchi..." Hahahahahaha help! A dignified monk who couldn't get any money out of his magic weapon, was described by the heroine in this way, and he instantly changed from a "cold monk" to a "down-and-out young master". Yue Xingchi's inner thoughts at this time must be: "I am penniless, but I am not a beggar!
The boy with the high ponytail hit my point [bad smile]
It's obvious that both of them are mouthy [dog-headed], so they won't be mortal enemies.
Male protagonist: It's unforgivable. I want to quarrel with her and win the quarrel! After seeing the female protagonist's face: [melted]
This rhythm is so tight! From pretending to be weak to fighting each other, when we meet in normal times, we are like enemies, but when we are serious, we show off our boyfriend power~