I am Song Nian, seventeen years old. My life is like a damp old rain that falls under the eaves of an unpatched roof and refuses to stop year after year.
Song Yan is my elder brother who is one year older, and he is also the only person I have been able to hold on to since he was three years old. Our parents lived our home like a cold, empty house. Quarrels, cold wars, broken bowls, and nights when no one responded forced us to find a little warmth of life in each other.
But if you rely on it for a long time, it will deteriorate, and the life-saving hand will grow chains. Song Yan was the first to see clearly the out-of-bounds greed, and the first to lose control. While he was afraid that I would hate him, he kept me by his side in a more paranoid and suffocating way.
This is not clean love. It has an unhealthy outlook on life, is sick, and is sharp, like glass from an old wound that cannot be pulled out over and over again. Force, possession, cold war, temptation, bowing and cruel words are intertwined, pushing us to break the mirror again and again.
I'm not an innocent bystander either. I was greedy for his preference, but I hated my own greed; I wanted to escape, but every time I left, I was tortured by missing him to the point of collapse. We are soft-hearted to each other, and we are also cruel to each other, leaving the most painful parts to each other.
In our teenage years, we experienced complete brokenness three times. The first time was when he used alienation to force me to be sensible, the second time was when family and the world tore us apart, and the third time was when I personally forced his paranoia to collapse. Every separation is like cutting out a bone, and every reunion is like drinking poison to quench thirst.
Later I realized that the so-called reunion does not mean that the crack disappears, but that two people admit that the crack is still there and are still willing to spend the rest of their lives to slowly hurt.
This is a modern, long and sour story, and it is also a bloody story that is half tortured until the end and is not willing to give candy. Almost all the journeys were difficult. Fortunately, in the end, Song Yan was still there and Song Nian did not leave.
Family: The parents' marriage exists in name only, they live in separate houses in a cold war all year round, they are emotionally absent, and they are indifferent to their two children.
Purpose: A broken native family will deprive young people of the confidence to be loved, and give rise to extreme, paranoid, and cowardly morbid emotions. This article presents the harm, entanglement and self-rescue in a relationship with erroneous views: Love is not an excuse for possession, and paranoia cannot offset the scars. Real HE is not about smoothing over the pain, but about two people admitting their mistakes, reining in their sharp edges, and learning how to treat each other gently again.