He, unwilling to face the fact that she had passed away long ago, punished himself like a masochist...
The other him, unable to face her innocent smile, was willing to live under his control, even though he only had one day of activity a year...
They are unwilling to face the cruel reality, but are willing to stay in a hospital with all white walls and survive...
It was a new year and he could go out and do some activities. He decided to tell someone everything, no matter who it was, he hoped someone would listen.