When she reached the age of seventeen, she no longer wanted to live.
Li Weiyang's life is a corridor without light. Her father was a math teacher at the school. He called her "fool" in the corridor and "Classmate Li Weiyang" in class - two faces of the same person, and she didn't know which one was real. Mother was as silent as a wall. Su Wan, a girl she once liked, chose to remain silent when she was bullied, then changed seats and left, never looking back.
She learned not to ask for help. I learned to squat down when I have a panic attack, count the leaves, count the floor tiles, and count how many breaths I have left.
She felt unworthy of being illuminated.
Until that boy showed up.
Lu Mingyuan, from Class 3. The zipper of the school uniform was pulled to the top, covering half of his face. Don't talk, don't fight, don't show off. He just stood twenty steps away, passing the note when she had a fit, and waiting for her to finish counting the leaves while she was having one. He said: "If you think you are going to die, then I will die with you."
He didn't ask her why. She said she had panic disorder, anxiety, and depression. He wrote three words on the band-aid: Got it.
It's as if all she said was "I had noodles for lunch today."
She began to think that maybe she could give it a try while alive.
But the light is not hers. Light just passes by.
Intention: Not 'it will be fine'. It's 'still'. Still counting. Still waiting. Still holding a piece of candy, waiting for the sweetness to dissipate.