Later I realized that the three years and nine months of junior high school were actually a questionnaire that I never thought about answering, but had to answer.
The problem is not with the paper - Chinese reading comprehension, mathematical functions, and English cloze. As long as you are willing to spend time, you can always fill up on those things. The real problem lies outside the paper. For example, how to say goodbye to someone without being noticed that you are saying goodbye, how to admit that you are going west when everyone else is going east, and how to mute the screaming voice in your heart.
I didn't know these were questions at the time. No one told me. The teacher was talking about object clauses and quadratic functions, and the classmates were talking about where to go on the weekend and who liked whom. But I was sitting in the last row of the classroom, and all I could think about was whether that person had glanced at me today.
Looking back now, during those three years and nine months, I have been doing two things: getting closer to something, and then watching myself drift away.
This book is not a great story. There was no earth-shattering reversal, no feeling of being a dark horse, and I didn't even become a great person in the end. I'm just an ordinary junior high school student with low emotional intelligence who ran rampant during adolescence and ended up with bumps all over his head.
But if anyone is going through something similar - being led away by a person, trapped by a delusion, being hit hard by the numbers on the report card, being looked at by the teacher in a certain way - I want you to know that this will pass. It's not the kind of past that can be turned over in a movie with just a click. It's like a chemical equation, which is balanced bit by bit, day by day, one wrong question after another.
Very slow, but smooth.
This book is written for myself, and also for the person who is in a daze in front of the online class screen, who doesn't know how to deal with a good intention on the snow break, and who sheds tears over physics questions late at night - myself.
It is also written for you, if you are also in a certain classroom and are experiencing your three years and nine months.
Intention: I write to myself and to you, if you are also going through your three years and nine months