"Tidal Breakpoint"

-Starting from the strong smell of disinfectant in the hospital, describing Lin Shen's perspective of standing in front of the hospital bed. The focus is on depicting the cold straight line on the monitor and Lin Shen's ridiculous thoughts - "He finally doesn't have to suffer from insomnia anymore." Through Lin Shen's perspective, there is a brief flashback to Zhou Xu's state when he became ill. When he was manic, he ran wildly on the streets late at night to watch the aurora. When he was depressed, he huddled in a corner and was so desperate that he could hardly breathe. When the doctor announced the time of death, Lin Shen did not cry, but showed unusual calmness. He refused the nurse's suggestion to sort out the remains and insisted on wiping Zhou Xu's body himself. At this time, Lin Shen's "time perception disorder" began to show signs. He felt that time had stopped, and the roar of people around him seemed to be separated by a layer of water, making it difficult to hear clearly. He firmly believed that Zhou Xu was just asleep and would wake up the next second and call his name. Lin Shen returned to the apartment where the two lived together. I habitually bought breakfast for two people. When I passed by the convenience store, I subconsciously bought two cups of hot cocoa and one cup with double syrup. It wasn't until the cashier asked that he suddenly woke up and collapsed facing the extra drink. In crowded subways and noisy wet markets, Lin Shen saw "Zhou Xu" frequently. The figure in the gray hoodie appeared countless times, but every time he turned around, it was the face of a stranger. This kind of "unrequited" visual stimulation aggravated his anxiety. Lin Shen began to be afraid of sleeping because his dreams were all about Zhou Xu before he fell from the building. He began to rely on alcohol, trying to use physical paralysis to combat psychological fear. He posted a calendar on the refrigerator, circled the day Zhou Xu left, and checked it repeatedly every day, trying to find the coordinates in the chaotic sense of time. Lin Shen suffered from severe insomnia and always woke up on time at three in the morning - that was the most painful time during Zhou Xu's lifetime. In the empty room late at night, Lin Shen began to hear Zhou Xu's suppressed sobs and saw the thin figure sitting at the end of the bed, shaking. He no longer ran away, but tremblingly reached out to touch, his fingertips passing through the air and touching the cold nothingness. Lin Shen went to see a psychiatrist. The doctor pointed out that this was a typical "grief reaction" and PTSD, and advised him to "let himself go." Lin Shen exploded in the consulting room and asked: "If letting myself go means forgetting him, then I would rather die in the ruins." Lin Shen yelled at the empty living room and asked Zhou Xu why he didn't wait for him. This chapter completely tears apart Lin Shen's psychological defense, showing the extreme loneliness and self-blame deep in his heart. At the suggestion of a psychiatrist, Lin Shen began to sort out Zhou Xu's belongings and tried to face reality through "exposure therapy". Deep in the inconspicuous drawer, Lin Shen found a diary. The diary records Zhou Xu's struggle in the whirlpool of drugs and emotions, as well as his deep guilt for Lin Shen. The last page of the diary reveals Zhou Xu's motive for committing suicide - not because he didn't love, but because he loved too much. He didn't want to watch Lin Shen drown in his "never-ending storm". He chose to self-destruct in order to preserve Lin Shen. "If I leave one day, please scatter my ashes into the sea and let me become the tide. In this way, I will follow you forever." Lin Shen brought Zhou Xu's ashes to the seaside. The tide rose, and the sound of lapping rocks became Zhou Xu's heartbeat in his ears. Lin Shen read the words in the diary and scattered the ashes into the sea. At this moment, his spiritual world was completely reconstructed. He no longer distinguishes between reality and illusion, he believes that Zhou Xu has really turned into a tide. Lin Shen returned to the empty home and picked up the medicine Zhou Xu had refused to take. He swallowed the pills, not to cure his illness, but to follow the bitter taste. -Lin Shen closed his eyes and let the dizziness wrap around him. The tide roared outside the window, and he saw Zhou Xu's smiling face in his hallucination, and the two met again in the deep sea of ​​consciousness. The so-called "breaking point" is not the boundary between life and death, but Lin Shen took the initiative to cut off his nostalgia for life and chose to jump into the dark blue eternity. Intention: May the rain over you fall gently on your shoulders.