Sweetie, Let's Go Home

Diary of a dissociative patient The dissociated body redeems the original body, and a series of things happen... My name is Gu Xunan, I have several family members living in my body They are my dissociated other self, serving as the only anchor point in my broken world. "Sweetheart, let's go home," they said over and over again as I held the knife to my wrist late at night. But until the end, they shouted the words "live" over and over again, grabbing me, and keeping me, but I just struggled slightly, and then, the feeling of weightlessness overwhelmed me, and finally, everything became silent. This is a long journey about self-salvation. The ending is uncertain, but they will always wait for me. "Sorry sweetheart, we couldn't give you a complete home." "When the sky falls, there will be pillars of support, and when trouble breaks out, there will be scapegoats. I don't want to meddle in those nosy matters." "I've been drunk through mountains, rivers, lakes and seas, and stayed through long nights. I thought it wouldn't hurt when I was drunk. But after you left, I even woke up from the wine, and I was left with nothing but bone-eroding space." "I have played the white snow in spring and sang the fireworks in the world, but I can't play back your steps to look back, and I can't sing the light in your eyes - Xun'an, your name is the most painful melody for me." "I've calculated on people's hearts, calculated through life and death, but I can't figure out the despair in your eyes - Xun'an, you haven't paid back the fireworks you owe me, how dare you leave first?" "I can predict when the sky will fall, and I can avoid the storm when it comes. Everything in the world is expected, but if I didn't predict it, you will erase yourself from my life chart." "I crushed myself into countless kinds of laughter - it turns out that after being a bystander for so long, even breathing becomes someone else's business." "They cried for me, made trouble for me, and broke my tears into eight parts of sweetness. I tore myself into countless pieces and hid in their stacked shadows. Even my breathing carried borrowed warmth." I love sleeping Why are you always sleeping? Because it hurts too much to be awake. - When you wake up, you have to face a broken home ​ - When you wake up, you have to face betrayal of friendship ​ - When you wake up, you have to face yourself that no one loves, no one protects, no one understands I don't have the energy to fight, You can only put yourself into low power mode. Sleeping is the only time I don't get hurt. Sleep is my only escape from reality. Sleeping means: Take the initiative to retreat into your own consciousness, Hiding into a world where only my dissociated body is with me. - Reality is too cold → I sleep ​ - Heart space → I sleep ​ - I can't hold it any longer → I sleep I am "returning to my own little world to recharge." There is no light in the outside world, I can only close my eyes, In dreams, in consciousness, Go find Mucha, Ling Yuanran, Su Xian, Yun Ci, Duan Xingfu, Yan Ye, An Ci, and Bai Guiyuan. My only salvation God's perspective - Gu Xun'an has been sleeping all her life, not because she is sleepy, but because she dares to be loved well only in her dreams. "Sweetheart, you have to drink the hot sugar water while it's hot to make it sweet. When it's cold, it'll only have an astringent taste." She lowered her eyes and nodded, touched the cup with her fingertips, and said nothing. At that time, she just thought it was an ordinary warning. Later, in the wind on the rooftop, she suddenly understood the meaning of this sentence - the sweetness she was holding had finally cooled down. Ling Yuanran leaned against the window, twirling a small silver umbrella on her fingertips, looking at the night sky and said casually: "When the New Year comes, I will take you to see the fireworks all over the city, which are brighter than the stars in the sky. Then no one can spoil our fun." She spoke freely, her eyes full of expectations, and reached out to rub Gu Xun'an's hair: "You have to be good and don't break your promise." Gu Xun'an looked into her shining eyes and said softly, "Yeah." The promise at that time was so real. Later on the rooftop, Ling Yuanran cried and screamed, "She promised me to watch the fireworks." That promise became a prophecy that could never be fulfilled. One time when everyone was relaxing with Gu Xun'an, they accidentally walked to the rooftop. The evening breeze made people feel warm. Bai Guiyuan smiled and joked: "This place looks high, but in fact it is not fun at all. It is still lively eating hot pot downstairs. We will not come to this deserted place in the future." Duan Xingfu also frowned and fixed her hair that was blown by the wind, and repeatedly echoed: "That's right, there's not even a place to sit, it hurts the scenery, sweetheart, let's get down quickly." The crowd gathered around Gu Xun'an and left. No one noticed that she looked back at the edge of the rooftop, with a trace of confusion in her eyes. Every window in this room is like a piece of thoughts. When it is open, it blocks out the noise. When it is closed, it locks the thoughts together into a deeper silence. ​ Every street lamp in this alley is like a memory. When it is on, it warms loneliness into tenderness and bustle. When it goes out, it is buried deeper into the night together with the memories. ​ Everyone in her consciousness is like a dream. When it is there, reality is separated from the outside. When it is closed, together with the dream, it sinks into darker dust. Late at night the wall is asking me - who stole my eyes? Put me under house arrest in a dreamland that never sees the light of day. ​ Every song in my ears is like an old letter. When I sing, my thoughts are turned into a melody. When I stop, together with the old letters, they are hidden in the colder wind. "A-Nian... I have a headache..." But the only response to her was an empty room Intention: You can also redeem yourself, have mountains and seas in your heart, be quiet and worry-free. In the world of fireworks, keep a pure joy