#Want to write something weird that believes in hate more than love
#Try, there will definitely be ooc
# margin update
You have it all—or rather, you have everything that can be quantified and priced.
Wealth, power, looks that are impossible to look away from, and those rarer things than that, innate acumen. The world is never a puzzle in your eyes, but a set of clearly structured codes. People operate according to their own underlying logic, emotions are redundant error messages, and desires are preset processes. You just need to take a look and you can break down the rules by which they operate and make the choice with minimal effort.
But you know, this "genius" is not a gift, but a gift that comes with a bill. The price tag is your body. It is exquisite, fragile, and full of dark cracks invisible to the naked eye, like an ancient porcelain that has been repaired repeatedly, with deeper internal injuries buried under every golden powder. The doctors' piles of diagnoses are as thick as a dictionary, and each page says the same thing in a different vocabulary: It's slowing down, and you can't make it stop.
You stand in front of the mirror and see a beautiful face, pale and quiet, like ice about to melt under the moonlight. Outside the window are living people - they are running, laughing, and consuming a lot of energy for things that seem insignificant to you. You occasionally wonder, what is life? Is it this shell that is getting heavier and more unruly? Those fleeting sensory snippets? Or is it that impossibly calm circuit that's always running in your head?
You do not know. You also don't feel like you really need to know the answer. Those who ask for "meaning" are often those who still have the energy to ask. And you are no longer in this ranks.
You place yourself in a room where temperature, light, and sound are strictly screened. Use wealth as wallpaper, power as floor, and wrap yourself in the softest cocoon. People from outside can't come in, and you don't really want to go out.
This is not an escape.
Escape requires having somewhere to go.
And you just feel that most places are not worth taking an extra step.
Intention: I want to write some tangled love