When I came out with the diagnosis report and sat at the hotel table, I was still in a daze. I didn't expect that I would be severely depressed.
The word "depression" really hit me, it was something I had briefly imagined and then quickly laughed off. My friends around me are not very mentally healthy people, I can see this, so I have been working hard to make them happy together, but I didn't expect that I was the most serious one - half a year ago, my father and brother asked me about my status. At that time, I still felt that I was very good.
I remember I ate egg fried rice without green onions. As I ate it, I laughed. I couldn't swallow it, I felt nauseous and queasy. I asked my brother on the phone: "I can't eat anymore, can I stop eating? I don't want to waste it, but I really can't eat anymore." He said yes, what's wrong with that?
So for the first time, I felt at ease and put aside "redundancy". After talking to my brother, I hung up the phone and shed tears for no reason.
After that, I went to Nanchang, had a checkup, was hospitalized, took medicine, was discharged, stopped taking medicine privately, had a follow-up visit, was diagnosed with bipolar type 2, and started taking medicine again.
So fast.
When I close my eyes and think back to the smiling self, I am already so far away.
Now my mentality is much softer, and I have some insights of my own, or I have been touched by them in my life, so I will put them here.
To my fleeting youth.
To the purity and sincerity that I will always miss.
I hate this Jinjiang! They don't let me modify the article, they always say that I do it too often. I forgot to change my paragraph! Small tantrums.
Intention: Everything will get better