I Will Miss You for the Rest of My Life

When I write, I never write to reconcile, nor to let go, nor to let go. I just want to re-enter the dark days of my youth, and go back to the days when I was accused of being clumsy, humiliated, laughed at and isolated by everyone. He caught the self who was huddled in the corner, being pierced by the harsh words of his classmates, being stung by the cold eyes of his teacher, and feeling terrified even when he breathed. I remember every biting curse word, every indifferent look, every embarrassment of being pushed away, every bit of grievance and embarrassment that had nowhere to hide. There is no redemption, no relief, no tenderness in making peace with the past in this book. Just record it faithfully, look back solemnly, and hold the bruised girl tightly. This book is not about letting go or reconciliation. I just can never let go of that girl who lives with the scars of the past. This obsession is so deep into my bones that I am willing to stay trapped and never let go. Purpose: I just want to write about the past me who was criticized, ridiculed and isolated. I can't let her go.