This is not a story about redemption. At least I'm not sure.
My name is Lin Ye, I am twenty-one years old, my left arm is crippled, and my soul is probably half rusted.
The world is too noisy for me! It's not the sound, it's the eyes, calculations, and "normality" that must be observed floating in the air.
I decided to run away.
It is not to go to the wilderness to find poetry, but to test a hypothesis: if a defective product of human society is thrown into the pure laws of nature, will he die faster, or will he finally be able to breathe?
I will record all this in the most direct way possible.
It's like confessing to the void, or writing symptoms on a medical record.
There will be the embarrassment of survival here, there will be fragments of memories, there will be cold rainy nights and mornings when there is no fire, and there will also be a sudden surge of weakness that even I hate.
If you're looking forward to a hero's return or spiritual healing, you can leave now.
I just want to be honest and say: Look, this is who I am. A broken part trying to find the minimum world in which it can function.
Purpose: This story aims to explore: When an individual has difficulty integrating into the modern social machine due to physical and mental disability or essential "incompatibility", is there another possibility of "survival"? It does not advocate escape, but uses an almost coldly realistic approach to record an extreme observation of oneself as an "experimental subject" - stripping a person from the complex social network and placing him into pure natural laws and survival needs to test his most fundamental vitality and meaning of existence. The work focuses on the mutual reflection of sexual pain and mental dilemma, and examines what is left of the core called "I" after stripping away all social identities and relationships, and whether a simple but true self-consistency can be established on top of the ruins.
One sentence summary: A "defective product" exiled himself to the wilderness, just to test whether in the simplest existence, he could find pain that was cleaner than the human world.