My name is Lao Tzu.
Alas, make no mistake, this Lao Tzu is not that Lao Tzu. That old man who founded Confucianism has nothing to do with me. Oh, that's wrong. It's not Confucianism, it's Taoism. I have always been confused as to why the Taoist leader was not called Li Zi but Lao Tzu. Confucius' surname is Kong, and Han Feizi's surname is Han. So it's quite appropriate for me to be called Li Zi, don't you think?
I don't want to be called Lao Tzu.
Hey, don't be surprised, you are willing to put this name on you. People always confuse me with that old man, which makes me very unhappy! Hey, if you want to blame me, I have to blame my parents who don't know what's going on in my head. My parents seem to have always been very neurotic. The more bizarre things are, the more their eyes light up. And the light they shine is not an ordinary light, it is a shocking aurora! I never know how my parents got together. I don't even know how my parents survived until they grew up so big. Ever since I was born, I have been told that my grandparents "died young." Nonsense! I think it's probably because of my incompetent parents that I'm most likely pissed off.
... So, my life began like this...