Practice Saying Goodbye Before Looking at Each Other

Xu Weihong's name, in Xia Luowan's youth, was the quietest and noisiest echo when the wind blew through the forest trees. That desk in high school carries all the stories of Xia Luowan and Xu Weihong. In the lunch break classroom, Xu Weihong's fingers lightly brushed Xia Luowan's eyelashes. Xia Luowan, who was pretending to be asleep, could no longer hold back the ripples in her heart. What she heard was the sound of something quietly breaking through the ground in her heart - very soft, but deafening. Every day after that was like a well-planned but unappreciated mime. She "ran into" him at all the corners of the corridors he might pass by, remembering every star he mentioned inadvertently. When he played, her eyes were the only spectators who always followed him. When friends made fun of them, Xia Luowan always smiled and waved her hands, her cheeks slightly red, like the hottest clouds in the evening. The well-known "secret love" was turned into an upright and lively youth drama by her. No one knew that behind every roar of laughter was a silent avalanche in her heart. Only Wen Fangning had seen her at her deepest level. I've seen her fill in and cross out names in her diary, I've seen her eyes light up all night because the other party called out "Xia Luowan" seriously, and I've also seen her sit alone by the empty playground after every seemingly ordinary meeting, silently rehearsing her farewell gesture in her mind over and over again. "Because I know I have never had it," Xia Luowan said to Wen Fangning, her voice as soft as a sigh, "So every time you get close, you must first practice how to lose." This is the cowardice of a brave person - she dares to let her heart become an open secret, but she dare not let the secret become a common fact between two people. This is also the lone courage of a coward - she bets her entire youth, but what she bets on is only a suspense about whether he knows or not that will never be revealed. Graduation is like a huge, gentle net that will eventually pick everyone up and throw them into different seas. On the day I took my graduation photos, the sun was so bright that it was dazzling. The crowd was bustling, and they were surrounded. Xia Luowan peeked back countless times, and finally anchored herself in his shadow as she wished. Through the thin sleeves of her summer uniform, Xia Luowan could almost feel the young man's warmth coming from his arms. The photographer shouted "Three, two, one -" and she looked at the camera with him, the corners of her mouth rising in a perfect arc. Only she knew that at the moment the word "" fell, she whispered in her heart: "Goodbye, Xu Weihong." The shutter freezes. His figure remained behind her forever, a distance that was within reach yet out of reach. When the photos were developed, everyone showed bright smiles and eternal youth. In the years that followed, Xia Luowan's world was vast and vast. She went to a new city, met new people, and lived a busy and fulfilling life. The name Xu Weihong gradually became the "White Moonlight" that was occasionally mentioned when old friends got together, a symbol of youth with a hint of goodwill and a vague halo. She laughed along with everyone, as if it was really just a light, already turning page of the past. Only Wen Fangning knew that that grand "secret love" never really ended. It just exists in a different form. Like Curry, the star that Xia Luowan has always liked, when she passes the college basketball court, she looks at the familiar and unfamiliar figure flying wildly inside; like when she reads a certain line of poetry or hears a certain melody, she will suddenly fall into inexplicable confusion for a few seconds; like she often wakes up in the middle of the night, just because his figure and the increasingly blurry young face appear in the dream. It becomes a kind of background color of life. A way of seeing the world. Later, she was also attracted by others and was loved by others, but the initial feeling of being mixed with cowardice and loneliness, almost pious, never appeared again. Xu Weihong became an eternal coordinate origin in her emotional world, and all subsequent experiences were invisibly measuring the distance from that origin. Many years later, Xia Luowan once again dug out the graduation photo while sorting out her old belongings on an ordinary afternoon. The sunlight slanted in from the window and fell on the high-spirited faces of the teenagers. Her eyes stayed for a long time on the high-spirited young man's figure, and on her own childish but forcefully smiling face. No tears, no waves. There is only a deep understanding, like a river understanding the shape of its bed. It turns out that some stories never need an ending to justify their existence. It is the end in itself. That group photo was not the end, but the entire silent and burning sunrise, completely sealed into a small piece of photo paper. The sun rises and the moon sets, and sunrises are always happening. She closed the photo album, and outside the window, it was midsummer again, and the greenery was as surging as before. Concept: upright and lively youth "secret love"