"When Crazy Batch becomes my 'muse', who is more 'hopeless' than the other."
"Novelist × Mental Illness"
One desperately wants to get closer to the light, while the other is obsessed with feeling the darkness.
"Mu Yan."
He called me suddenly. The sound was as clear as a thawing stream in early spring. The fog that usually enveloped him quietly dissipated at this moment. He turned his head, his profile outlined by the moonlight looking particularly peaceful.
"I remember." There was a tiny light on his eyelashes. "I remember the smell of the ink in your study, and the way you bit the penholder when you couldn't write. I remember you said you wanted to take me to see the real mountain."
A wave came and he swayed slightly, but he stood firm.
"I'm sorry, I didn't take those pills. I hid them under my tongue, and when you turned around, I spit them into the sink." The corner of his lips raised a very shallow arc, like a child who had kept a secret for a long time and finally told it. "It's not that I'm resisting treatment, I just want to keep those voices - although they are scary, at least they are lively."
His fingers caressed the water, leaving a fleeting trace. The moonlight flows between his fingers, like time that cannot be held.
"But Mu Yan, I'm too tired. Even the pain makes me feel tired."
I stretched out my trembling hand to him, "Let's go home, go home now. I'll take you to see the mountains."
He shook his head, his eyes as gentle as comforting a crying child. That gaze was crystal clear, reflecting the entire night sky and my hurried figure.
He looked beyond me to the distant horizon. The water gently held his body, eager to take him to the deep sea - the most suitable place for him to live.
"Mu Yan, my soul knows the way. When spring comes, when the snow on the mountains has melted, I will come back along the stream. When you see the first new green leaf trembling when there is no wind, that is me saying hello to you."
That was the last time he cheated on me and he didn't come back. The waves that night took away not only his body, but also half of my heart.
Intention: Try to lean into the light, and the light will come to you.
