Ten years of life and death are so vast that I cannot forget them without thinking about them. Thousands of miles of lonely tomb, no place to speak of desolation. Even if we meet each other, we should not know each other, our faces are covered with dust and our temples are like frost.
At night, I suddenly returned to my hometown with a deep dream. I was dressing up outside the small window. They looked at each other without words, only a thousand lines of tears. It is the place where the heart is broken every year. On a bright moonlit night, there are short pine hills.
Part Two "Family and Country Ten Thousand Miles"
Click the link. I'm lazy and will write the second part first. The first part is too depressing. I write last.
Reader comments
23333, The memes between professors and students, interesting!
The author's sober and refined style of painting is completely different from the coquettish bitches out there!
I... Read the paragraph where the author had something to say five or six times, and then went back and read the last few paragraphs four or five times... Oh... Probably, it was because of QB's deception that several worlds that Kusuko traveled through disappeared, and then in order to save it, he made his own world into a comic book world?
So, what does it have to do with Bai Lan... Is it because he destroyed the world?
The cat's father is gone? Is it another person in the body?
Dear time, when I said I wanted to cheer you up, I definitely didn't mean it in a joking way. I hope this long review will serve as motivation for you to persist in finishing a book and not let the characters in your heart fade away in the torrent of time.
To be honest, I haven't read any comics or anything like that. First let me state, don't worry about my choice of words. I am not a serious person, so this will not be a thousand-word sermon~
Due to time constraints, I only briefly browsed some parts. The truth is cruel. In a world where online literature is rampant, your writing skills and plot grasp are not outstanding, and can even be considered immature.
But don't be sad. As a kid in the second grade of junior high school, it is a great thing to have the courage to create and never give up. From between the lines, you can see your love for the characters. I want to say that the characters in the works created with love are alive. You must always have love and respect for the characters. You must respect the characters you create. When you have respect for the characters you control, you will find that your heart will tell you what your character is like.
[The word count tutorial begins]
Like your article's definition of role:
How a funny young woman abducts a cold and beautiful boy, her childhood sweetheart
These defining words are clear and prove that you have a firm grasp of the character in your mind.
However, I have a suggestion. When creating, don't deliberately create scenes to reflect the character's personality. This approach may easily lead to deviations in the character's personality.
As a fan, if you add or delete people based on the original world, you must pay attention to the impact of the new people on the original plot. An apple can inspire Newton, and a straw can break a camel's back. Sometimes, details are the finishing touch.
The description of character details on the one hand shows the character's position in the article from the content, highlights the character's personality from the performance, and foreshadows the character from the side. Detailed description is not simply adding or deleting adjectives. For example:
{I don't know when the handsome young man appeared at the intersection ahead. He put away the duckweed stick that was still dripping blood, glanced at me casually, and sneered: "You make it sound like you are not on the blacklist of herbivorous animals that violate morals." ｝
This is a passage from your article, which also uses some detailed descriptions, but there are a few points I can make suggestions.
1. Your definition of the character is cold but gentle, but the language of the character is poor.
2. As mentioned above, deliberately arranging the scene leads to the broken structure of the article, and the world revolves around the heroine.
3. The description of details is not mature enough
In response to the above points, I have made some modifications to your text. You can take a look.
Turning a corner, a familiar black-haired boy was leaning against the wall. His bangs covered his eyes so that I couldn't see his expression clearly. He turned in my direction with an elusive curve at the corner of his mouth: "Tsk, it sounds like you are really not on those guys' blacklists, including grass, food, animals, and things." The boy's outline softened a lot under the setting sun, and even the duckweed on his hands became a little less sharp. For a moment, I seemed to see the light behind him. No, no, this guy is a ferocious beast. The blood on Duckweed Guai has not even dried yet. How could I feel like this... Looking at the boy's bangs blown by the wind, my face felt a little hot.
"Your escaping movements are not like those of a herbivore, because you are really ugly." The handsome young man said as he looked at the girl, put the duckweed back into his sleeves, turned around without hesitation and slowly disappeared into the street under the sunset.
The girl watched the boy leave blankly. It was not until the boy completely disappeared from sight that she seemed to suddenly react.
I only heard the angry roar of the girl on the street:
"Bastard Kyouya! You are the ugliest, you are the ugliest, and you are the King of Bingsheng Chou. Fortunately, I just said... Ahhh, I definitely didn't think he was good-looking just now! Hibari Kyouya is the ugliest and ugliest herbivore!!!"
In this text, I added the interaction between the two people. Of course, I don't actually know the current relationship between the two people, so I compiled it purely based on the known parts.
In terms of person, I added the third person. This can create a sense of picture, zoom out the visual lens, and show a complete interactive situation. You can refer to it.
In terms of plot, it vaguely reflects the male protagonist's concern for the female protagonist. It seems to focus on depicting the female protagonist's feelings, but in fact it aims to create a harmonious dog-busting atmosphere between the two. And it takes care of the settings of childhood sweethearts. At the same time, the design here can show the current relationship between two people and the degree of affection for each other.
I think what's more important is to let readers understand why the plot happened, and figure out troublesome things like why the male protagonist appears. And then avoid it. In an article with more than a thousand words, the male protagonist is less inscribed than a wretched uncle or something, 233333.
My level is limited, so I can write more than a thousand words together~ Come on, come on! ! I hope you will continue to make progress, persevere, and never let down your love for the character! ! ~
You are great, really!
2016.7.24
Those who can be called sages are all people with great wisdom. Even if they become an eighteen-year-old boy, they will not become so full of flaws. What's more, the setting is the strongest magician, and the road to growth will not be smooth sailing.
Oh my god, oh my god, is it the young male protagonist, the little prince, who has appeared?
23333, The memes between professors and students, interesting! The author's sober and refined style of painting is completely different from the coquettish bitches out there!
I... Read the paragraph where the author had something to say five or six times, and then went back and read the last few paragraphs four or five times... Oh... Probably, it was because of QB's deception that several worlds that Kusuko traveled through disappeared, and then in order to save it, he made his own world into a comic book world? So, what does it have to do with Bai Lan... Is it because he destroyed the world?
The cat's father is gone? Is it another person in the body?
Dear time, when I said I wanted to cheer you up, I definitely didn't mean it in a joking way. I hope this long review will serve as motivation for you to persist in finishing a book and not let the characters in your heart fade away in the torrent of time. To be honest, I haven't read any comics or anything like that. First let me state, don't worry about my choice of words. I am not a serious person, so this will not be a thousand-word sermon~ Due to time constraints, I only briefly browsed some parts. The truth is cruel. In a world where online literature is rampant, your writing skills and plot grasp are not outstanding, and can even be considered immature. But don't be sad. As a kid in the second grade of junior high school, it is a great thing to have the courage to create and never give up. From between the lines, you can see your love for the characters. I want to say that the characters in the works created with love are alive. You must always have love and respect for the characters. You must respect the characters you create. When you have respect for the characters you control, you will find that your heart will tell you what your character is like. [The word count tutorial begins] Like your article's definition of role: How a funny young woman abducts a cold and beautiful boy, her childhood sweetheart These defining words are clear and prove that you have a firm grasp of the character in your mind. However, I have a suggestion. When creating, don't deliberately create scenes to reflect the character's personality. This approach may easily lead to deviations in the character's personality. As a fan, if you add or delete people based on the original world, you must pay attention to the impact of the new people on the original plot. An apple can inspire Newton, and a straw can break a camel's back. Sometimes, details are the finishing touch. The description of character details on the one hand shows the character's position in the article from the content, highlights the character's personality from the performance, and foreshadows the character from the side. Detailed description is not simply adding or deleting adjectives. For example: {I don't know when the handsome young man appeared at the intersection ahead. He put away the duckweed stick that was still dripping blood, glanced at me casually, and sneered: "You make it sound like you are not on the blacklist of herbivorous animals that violate morals." ｝ This is a passage from your article, which also uses some detailed descriptions, but there are a few points I can make suggestions. 1. Your definition of the character is cold but gentle, but the language of the character is poor. 2. As mentioned above, deliberately arranging the scene leads to the broken structure of the article, and the world revolves around the heroine. 3. The description of details is not mature enough In response to the above points, I have made some modifications to your text. You can take a look. Turning a corner, a familiar black-haired boy was leaning against the wall. His bangs covered his eyes so that I couldn't see his expression clearly. He turned in my direction with an elusive curve at the corner of his mouth: "Tsk, it sounds like you are really not on those guys' blacklists, including grass, food, animals, and things." The boy's outline softened a lot under the setting sun, and even the duckweed on his hands became a little less sharp. For a moment, I seemed to see the light behind him. No, no, this guy is a ferocious beast. The blood on Duckweed Guai has not even dried yet. How could I feel like this... Looking at the boy's bangs blown by the wind, my face felt a little hot. "Your escaping movements are not like those of a herbivore, because you are really ugly." The handsome young man said as he looked at the girl, put the duckweed back into his sleeves, turned around without hesitation and slowly disappeared into the street under the sunset. The girl watched the boy leave blankly. It was not until the boy completely disappeared from sight that she seemed to suddenly react. I only heard the angry roar of the girl on the street: "Bastard Kyouya! You are the ugliest, you are the ugliest, and you are the King of Bingsheng Chou. Fortunately, I just said... Ahhh, I definitely didn't think he was good-looking just now! Hibari Kyouya is the ugliest and ugliest herbivore!!!" In this text, I added the interaction between the two people. Of course, I don't actually know the current relationship between the two people, so I compiled it purely based on the known parts. In terms of person, I added the third person. This can create a sense of picture, zoom out the visual lens, and show a complete interactive situation. You can refer to it. In terms of plot, it vaguely reflects the male protagonist's concern for the female protagonist. It seems to focus on depicting the female protagonist's feelings, but in fact it aims to create a harmonious dog-busting atmosphere between the two. And it takes care of the settings of childhood sweethearts. At the same time, the design here can show the current relationship between two people and the degree of affection for each other. I think what's more important is to let readers understand why the plot happened, and figure out troublesome things like why the male protagonist appears. And then avoid it. In an article with more than a thousand words, the male protagonist is less inscribed than a wretched uncle or something, 233333. My level is limited, so I can write more than a thousand words together~ Come on, come on! ! I hope you will continue to make progress, persevere, and never let down your love for the character! ! ~ You are great, really! 2016.7.24
Those who can be called sages are all people with great wisdom. Even if they become an eighteen-year-old boy, they will not become so full of flaws. What's more, the setting is the strongest magician, and the road to growth will not be smooth sailing.
Oh my god, oh my god, is it the young male protagonist, the little prince, who has appeared?