With a Body Packed with Hard Muscle, You Call This a Strategist?

[Violent strategist + straight-faced nonsense + courtly face-slapping + invincible power fantasy]

"I, Xiao Jingyu, have studied the sages, cultivated righteous energy, and hated violence all my life!"

Before the Zichen Hall, Xiao Jingyu stood nine feet tall, his chest muscles stretching his wide Confucian robe to the breaking point. He waved a black-gold iron fan weighing a hundred jin and explained to the empress and her officials with utter sincerity.

To prove he was the greatest strategist under heaven, Xiao Jingyu decided to give the entire court a lesson:

What is the art of war?

Kicking a three-thousand-jin bronze gate flying is called "throwing a stone to sound the way"!

Catching a siege crossbow with his bare hands and crushing it, then scaring the Chief Minister's nephew into kowtowing until he bled in court, is called "subduing the enemy without a fight"!

Running faster than a thousand-mile horse while pulling a cart, twisting three eight-hundred-jin iron rods into a knot, and prying up a hundred-thousand-jin dragon-locking stone is called "using the strange arts of the Eight Trigrams to move a thousand pounds with four ounces"!

The thirty thousand Turkic cavalry saw Xiao, the Grand Adviser, wearing four-hundred-jin steel gauntlets and punching a hole through a mountain ten zhang tall, while he calmly wiped iron filings from his palm.

They fled in terror overnight, shouting, "Run! That dog-headed strategist from Great Yu who claims he can't even lift a chicken is coming to explain things to us again, carrying two hundred-thousand-jin rocks!"