Oh No! I Stole Bai Suzhen from Under Everyone's Nose and Became a Sword Immortal

I'm in the Southern Song, and I've just stolen Xu Xian's role. The gods and Buddhas everywhere are all losing their minds because of me!

On the Broken Bridge at West Lake, Bai Suzhen gazes at me tenderly as she borrows my umbrella. Shen Qing plays along and becomes her savior.

The Heavenly Dao's ironclad script should have gone: "The White Snake repays a debt of gratitude, the waters flood Jinshan Temple, Leifeng Pagoda seals her away, and Buddhism harvests the fortune." Shen Qing hacks it into a spectacular disaster!

Xu Xian at the medicine shop: "Wait, I just went out to get medicine today. Why do I feel like my head's turning green? Where's the wife fate promised me?!"

The guardian Jialan in the shadows: "Wait, that poor Daoist took a blow from the Demon-Slaying Pestle and didn't die? How did he pull out a Pure Yang flying sword and chop Jiechen apart?!"

The matriarch of Mount Qingcheng: "Wait, why is my White Snake disciple, after 1,700 years of cultivation, willingly serving some wild Daoist as his personal sword attendant?!"

Fahai stands at the river's edge, his golden alms bowl beneath his feet. Watching the beads of causality shatter, he is left reeling in the gale.

"The calamity I carefully arranged to turn her into a dragon, all the merit I meant to harvest, he cut me off and added a little of his own?!"

Meanwhile, in a side hall of a ruined temple, Shen Qing holds the adoring Bai Suzhen in his arms. Counting the vast years of life he plundered from the monks, he sneers:

"A script from the Heavenly Dao? I cultivate the Dao of Supreme Self-Rule. Even if the Buddha himself shows up today, my wife is still mine!"