I transmigrated into Tang Sanzang's body, and the moment I opened my eyes, I was tied up in a demon's cave, with a tiger demon's fangs right in my face. The first thing I said was, "Patron, want to sign up for a membership?"
... Amitabha Buddha, that just slipped out.
Actually, I've opened a Heavenly Secrets platform: I investigate scandals, predict fortunes, and offer a way out. I only accept merit points, and I never give credit.
From then on, the Three Realms took on a whole new look: the immortals cursed as they renewed their subscriptions, the demons lined up asking me to capture them, and Heaven's public funds account was frozen by my shop's risk controls.
I'll still go through the Eighty-One Tribulations, but every tribulation is a grave I'm digging for Heaven.
Every road comes to an end someday. Before that day, I'll grow so big that none of you can afford to settle accounts with me.
