Fairy Tail: It All Begins with Wiping Natsu's Butt

My name is Cole. I'm an S-Class Wizard of Fairy Tail and a user of all-element magic.

But you might not believe it when I say that my biggest source of income is writing books, including but not limited to: Ten Handy Tips Every Celestial Spirit Mage Should Know, The Twelve Zodiac Signs: A Few Things to Say About Leo and Aries, Three Sentences That Make Celestial Spirit Mages Chase Me, and The Celestial Spirit Mage Who Lives Next Door... I've topped the magic world's bestseller lists for fifteen years, earning a reputation as the wizard who knows how to make money.

When you ask why I work so hard, it's because I'm also the biggest creditor in the whole guild.

Natsu blows up half a harbor? I pay for it.

Gray strips off halfway through a fight again? It's a bad look, so I pay.

Cana gets drunk and tears down a whole bar? I pay for that too.

I put up with it for a day, then two. But after ten years, I really can't take it anymore!

"You can go on jobs, but can you please stop wrecking everything? Do you know how much we have to pay in damages every month?!"

Everyone in Fairy Tail looked at one another, then answered in unison: "No!"

"Why not?!"

Natsu planted a foot on the table, flames roaring to life. "No destruction, no Fairy Tail!"

Gray ripped off his shirt. "No destruction, no Fairy Tail!"

Erza drew her sword with a flash. "No destruction, no Fairy Tail!"

The whole guild roared together, nearly ripping the roof off.

I opened my mouth, and my blood surged with excitement.

"No destruction, no Fairy Tail!"

...Wait, why am I chanting along?!