Great Tang: The System Crashed, and Changle Overheard My Thoughts

After waking up, I find that I've transmigrated into Fang Yiai, the most infamous cuckold in all of Tang Dynasty history! To make matters worse, the System has crashed and become useless, leaving behind only the twelve-talisman panel from Jackie Chan Adventures. From the start, only the Tiger Talisman is lit, and it can split people into good and evil halves!

Faced with Emperor Taizong's forced-marriage package, I keep a perfectly calm face as a modern man, but inside I'm flipping the table:

[Marry Gao Yang? Whoever wants to be the most infamous cuckold in history can have the job. I'd rather spend the rest of my life cuddling that big yellow dog by the gate!]

[That arrogant, domineering Princess Gao Yang. Tonight, I'll use the Tiger Talisman to split her in two and teach her a lesson she'll never forget!]

[Sigh, they're both princesses. If only I were being married off to the gentle, beautiful Changle beside her...]

I thought I was hiding everything perfectly and keeping my head down. But I never expected that as long as Princess Changle was within three meters of me, she could hear every single one of my thoughts without any trouble!

And so the Tang Dynasty went completely off the rails

The arrogant Princess Gao Yang inexplicably split in two. Her evil half beat up the monk Bianji in the street, while her good half blushed shyly at me! Changsun Chong, the empire's top scholar, got a light pat from me and immediately split into good and evil halves, causing a huge mess. Changsun Wuji was so furious he nearly had a stroke!

And Princess Changle didn't expose me. Instead, she kept blushing and finding excuses to come over with a food box in hand...

Changle, clutching the hem of her clothes with a blush: "Young Master Fang, you just said in your heart that you want to marry me. Did you mean it?"

Fang Yiai: "What the hell? I didn't say anything! So the part the broken System left out was 'The Host's thoughts will be overheard'?!"