(Multiple female leads) (Gudako is also a female lead) (Parts 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, and so on will feature some major changes to the original)
Ye Shouli, a longtime FGO player who started on launch day, wrote a furious ten-thousand-word essay cursing Nasu Kinoko after a disastrous summoning session. The next day, he was hit by a truck on his way out.
When he opened his eyes again, he was lying in a Chaldea corridor. Crouching in front of him was a pink-haired girl: Mash Kyrielight, alive and well.
The good news: he had transmigrated with all his memories of the story. The bad news: the butterfly effect had already started spiraling out of control. The explosion came early. The plot was shifting. Everything he knew was veering toward the unknown at a speed he could see with his own eyes.
And the worst part was: what was Alaya thinking? He was a reserve candidate with no activated Magic Circuits, ranked second-to-last, and all he had in his pocket was a compressed biscuit and a lemon candy so sour it made his teeth ache. Save humanity’s order? First, he had to figure out how to survive his first night in Singularity F.
Luckily, Mash took his hand. It was warm.
“…All right, then.” He stood up and looked at the burning city of Fuyuki. “Let’s go save humanity’s order.”
The writing is okay, the writing style and plot are good, but there are two things that could be improved. First, for us veterans, we know what the author is writing without having to explain the settings, but for some newcomers, it may not be very friendly. The author can consider adding some settings and background explanations. For example, in the previous chapter, Heidi made Mash take a cannon and then stopped. It did not clearly explain what Heidi was thinking, why Fuyuki's singularity appeared, what are the differences, and some of the most basic servant data can also be supplemented. The second is Guda's problem. He is currently in a weak position, but he should also assign several servants to Guda to use, otherwise it will be a waste of command spells.
The protagonist is a bit human-machine, but that's okay. At the beginning, the protagonist Zero Second accepted the fact of becoming the Master, and started to conquer the singularity quite naturally... As naturally as taking a lighter from a friend.
Come on, author. Don't worry about the intensity. If someone asks the protagonist how the situation is, he points to the person next door to explain the (bad) luck of hell EⅩ. Moderate modifications and enhancements are absolutely fine.
It looks okay, but there are still obvious traces of AI.
The writing is still very good, keep up the good work
So far it looks pretty good ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ I've finished reading, please update soon [Please give me more updates] [Please give me more updates] [Please give me more updates]
The bomb exploded prematurely. Shouldn't the prisoner be still alive if it didn't enter the frame? Where did the person go?
It's very good, but there are some things that are not mentioned. For example, who is Gudazi's follower, but readers all agree with Matthew. Another point seems to be an early route, promoting the main plot, and accepting the heroine at the same time. That is to say, there may not be a situation where the heroine responds to the call, or the heroine who is very fond of the heroine will turn to the hero 🍉
I don't know whether it is the AI writer who polishes it, or the author who writes the AI polish. Anyway, the traces of AI are a bit obvious (you can get the first clues from the introduction)
It's okay, but the author clearly stated that Mashu is the wife, so I can only go so far. The author can go on with blessings.