Journey to the West: To Stay Alive, I Taught the Monkey to Play Dirty

No System, no cheat, and my soul is crammed into the same pit as a stone monkey that hasn’t even been born yet.

Pei Yin figures this is a hellish start.

There’s still time to save this. I can make it!

And so, the whole tone of Journey to the West starts to veer off course.

Even before Sun Wukong is born, he has to listen to Pei Yin ramble on about The Art of Being Thick-Skinned and Black-Hearted and The Guide to Avoiding Pitfalls every day.

Meanwhile, next door to Flower-Fruit Mountain, a company called “Heavenly Pillar Mountain Green Agriculture” quietly rises to prominence.

The founding ox, Niu Geng, says, “We’re not getting involved in the contest for supremacy in Journey to the West. We’re just nature’s delivery service.”

When the Demon King of Confusion tries to seize their mountain, they pin him down in the fields and make him plant rice seedlings. If he does a bad job, they dock his performance pay.

The gods and Buddhas across the heavens are all waiting for the stone monkey to be born, so they can kick off the grand Journey to the West.

But they wait and wait, only to find that the immortal stone keeps growing bigger, and even begins to glow faintly with golden merit...

Sun Wukong: “Big Bro, the peaches the farm delivered today are a bit sour. Tell that delivery guy named ‘Dapeng’ to fly faster next time!”

Pei Yin: “You got it. I’ll dock Dapeng’s performance pay for being late!”