I Have a Storybook, but It’s a Little Naughty

My name is Zhou Yi. On the very first day I awakened, a local gang boss dragged me off to dig through a mountain.

The mountain collapsed, and only then did we realize it was the Five Finger Mountain. A monkey jumped out?

Turns out that just moments ago, I had awakened a book: a storybook, F-rank.

The whole place burst out laughing. The grade director patted me on the shoulder. “You poor kid.” Then he pushed me off the stage.

I opened the book. The last page said: Enter a story realm, experience a story, and gain an insight.

I believed it.

Foolish Old Man dug through a mountain. The mountain collapsed, and Sun Wukong jumped out.

The River God fished up a gold staff and a silver staff, but the monkey shook his head at both. In the end, he plucked three hairs and stuffed them into the back of my head. River God, where exactly did you pluck those hairs from?

Seven little gourd kids called me “Grandma” every day. My grandma fed them chicken poop, and they grew while throwing up.

The Silver Horned King came to kill us, but a bag of sleeping pills knocked him out.

I even had to sit eight consecutive rounds of “Five Years of College Entrance Exam Practice Tests.” If I didn't hand in my paper, I'd be shot.

I helped a sow give birth to eight piglets.

The sworn brothers in the Peach Garden were a penguin, a banana cat, and a shield dog: “We don't have to die on the same day, month, or year!”

The Cowherd went up to the Magpie Bridge in broad daylight, and the Weaver Girl said, “I can't really let loose during the day.”

When Xu Xian saw Bai Suzhen, his first reaction was, “Are you running an online scam?”

A drunk forest ranger tried to shoot the moon, while his wife had eaten an elixir and flown back to her parents' home.

The Little Match Girl said, “Buy a box of matches. Two bucks!”

“Too expensive.”

She cried and said, “My big sister sells nuclear bombs in the city. She's already blown up two islands...”

Now I've got the Sun-Shooting Divine Bow, the Monkey King’s hairs, seven mini gourd kids, illusion matches, and a set of practice exams.

My goal is simple: win the championship without making a fuss, and buy my grandma a new hen.

By the way, my name is Zhou Yi. My dad said the character for “one” takes fewer strokes, so it's quick to write.

Then he ran off.